megorious

What exactly is KFC trying to say with the new slogan, “Life tastes better with KFC?” I think what they mean is, “Hey, life tastes pretty good, right? Well, with KFC, life taste pretty damn good.” And that basically means that life in and of itself is good, but without KFC, life would fucking blow. But what they mean is not always the same as what others interpret.

The reason this is a horrible slogan is simple. It implies that life tastes better with KFC, but not because KFC is so darn delicious that it rubs that lovely secret of eleven herbs and spices on the chicken skin of life. KFC is oblivious to the fact that they’re subliminally saying, as long as KFC is around, life and everything else for that matter, will taste better.

Let me break it down to a level people in Kentucky can understand…

Say you only have three choices of food: shit on a stick, pancakes, or cottage cheese caper chowder. Pancakes are delicious. (And honestly, who doesn’t love cakes from a pan?) Even though I have never eaten shit on a stick, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it. I also hate capers and cottage cheese and chowder, and the thought of the three together is incomprehensible to my palate. But I know that cottage cheese caper chowder tastes better than shit on a stick, much like how pancakes taste better than cottage cheese caper chowder.

In this hypothetical world of only three food choices, pretty much everyone would go for pancakes, followed by cottage cheese caper chowder, and then shit on a stick. Now, if you had no choice but to eat cottage cheese caper chowder, you would at least be grateful that is wasn’t shit on a stick. Life would indeed taste better with shit on a stick. But if shit on a stick was taken off the menu and there were suddenly only two choices to eat, there would be no upside to eating cottage cheese caper chowder.

Strictly speaking, KFC is embracing the fact that as long they are around, life, and everything that encompasses life, will taste better. In the fast food industry, it’s what they call grading on a Taco Bell curve.

A quick afterthought: When I went to the KFC website to snap a picture of their ridiculicious new slogan, I noticed there was a fancy ad promoting the new KFC toasted wraps. Toasting seems to be all the craze these days. Everywhere I look, some “food” establishment is boasting about the fact that they now have a toaster oven. Dunkin’ Donuts in particular acts like the process of cooking and browning food by exposing it to a source of radiant heat is a scientific breakthrough that they personally just discovered. (FYI: Quiznos began boasting toasting in 1981.) When you have to promote the hell out of acquiring a technology that has been in every home since the middle of last century, there’s obviously something wrong. But then again, Dunkin’ Donuts is the same company that thought combining Rachael Ray with the word “runs” would entice appetites.

I guess two things are certain in this great land of (job) opportunities: America runs on Dunkin’ and life tastes better with KFC.

This Blog entry was posted Thursday, March 6th, 2008 at 12:48 am.
Tags: Dunkin Donuts, food, KFC, Rachael Ray