Where to put The Bono?
The concierge from the Ritz called Saturday morning to make a reservation for 3 or 4 people for 1:00 PM for Bono and guests. U2 is in town doing some shows and he must have heard how great Pino’s little avant-garde restaurant in the Louis Boston building is. Maybe Trent told him. Our biggest problem is not accommodating Bono but where to put him so that he can enjoy his lunch without anyone bothering him. It would be best if he could go unnoticed all together. I suggested the lounge, nobody uses it and it’s pretty friggin nice but he’d have to eat on our strange coffee tables. Actually we don’t have coffee tables; we have these solid metal pieces with wheels. They look like carts from an airport and they probably cost 10,000 dollars each. Now I’m not great with tools or even a comb but I could build these things for about 50 bucks, maybe less. The lounge at L is new, it has some interesting chairs and a big, comfy red sectional couch that’s in the shape of, you guessed it, the letter L. You kind of sink into the couch and the tables are really low and eating in there is not very simple. The Bono might look kind of funny sinking into the bold red couch trying to eat his tuna summer rolls but I imagine not as funny as when he is playing diplomat overseas in those silly sunglasses.
Obviously The Bono wouldn’t want to eat there, in fact the only people that I’ve seen eat there since we put in the lounge is the owner of Louis Boston and she’s always really drunk. That’s Debbie, she’s great. She drinks sparkling water and wine and eats at L everyday for lunch and many days for dinner. She’s a great tipper, she’s always entertaining and she always has an open bottle of wine with her name on it. And by name on it I mean we take a sharpie and write “Debbie”.
We just got a full liquor license this week; before we could only serve beer, wine and cordials. Now we have upscale liquor. We’ve been experimenting with drinks all week and Thursday night, our first night with liquor, our first customers to try out the booze were Debbie, Maria (the VeePee of Louis Boston) and Mario Russo (world famous hair stylist who has a salon inside Louis Boston and charges $200 just to sit down with him). The three of them and two other guests were all there, sprawled out on the L shaped red sectional, chugging back martinis. All of them, sans Debbie, were going to see U2 that evening. Debbie complained to me “They didn’t invite me.” to which I replied “You too huh?” Debbie LOLed all over the place but in her defense she had been drunk since before noon.
L is lacking hosti but we do have two. One of them is this melancholy girl named Julia. Julia doesn’t talk much, she doesn’t like to answer the phone and she doesn’t know the table numbers. Julia does however shine when it’s time to stick the picture frames that read “reserved” on tables. She’s also really good at saying “No” to people. It’s great to watch her tell someone “No,” like they’re a dog. A rich dog but a dog nonetheless. Saturday morning she was marking tables when she approached the bar, where Mike, our GM, was making martinis for the employees to try. Julia asked “Mike, where are we going to put The Bono?” Her delivery tickled us all deeply. I chimed in with, “Its Bono. His name is Bono, not The Bono. He’s not an entity.”
Some celebrities are humble in public, like Mr. Reznor. Other’s are not, like Andy Dick, who has been to L before and had his picture taken with the servers. Then there is The Bono, who, if you turned the letter N on its side would be The Bozo. This past Saturday was the first Saturday in two months that it didn’t rain and the first day in over 10 days when it didn’t rain, you see we’ve had a nor’easter problem here lately. This May has been the coldest and wettest in 40 years but Saturday it did not rain. It was a beautiful day and we were busy as hell. In the midst of all the chaos The Bono came and went faster than a virgin on prom night. He was upset that Pino wasn’t at the restaurant that day because Chef was in New York appearing on CBS’ The Early Show.
The Bono took forever to order, every time Dora, the server who waited on him, went back to the table Bono and company were not ready. I was on the patio and in the weeds all afternoon long. It never really stopped for me. I was waiting on Debbie, who was drunk, and her husband, Mark, and daughter, Samantha, and some of their friends. Once they were all done they just sat and drank sparking water and I was able to relax some. By this time Dora and Kristian (the other server inside) were in the weeds. I asked Dora what she needed and she asked me if I could see if table 55 (The Bono and guests) were ready to order. I approach Bono’s table and ask if they had any questions about the menu or if they would like to order. “We’re going to need a few more minutes.” said The Bono. I replied “Oh, you still haven’t found what you’re looking for?”