Megorious

Apple’s iPod is officially no longer cool. That’s right. It’s out. It was a nice run but it’s over. Gone pecan as my mother would say. The reason: My mother now owns an iPod. Here’s an email she sent out to my brothers and myself:

FROM: Mom
SUBJECT: IPOD

I ust [sic] wanted to let my sons know that I have come up in the world. Today I received an I-pod from LSU as a gift for all I do for them. It has a 30GB and 7500 songs. Now I feel as important as my sons.

Hope all is doing well. Take care.

Love,
MOM

p.s.: Ryan; you have not returned my phone call from a couple of days ago.

First of all, what the hell is she going to do with an iPod? She doesn’t even know what “a 30GB” is. Boy is she going to be shocked when she learns that the G in GB doesn’t stand for God. What’s a gigabyte? No thank you, I’m not hungry. Oh, I would also like to point out that she mispelled “just” at the beginning of her email.

How the hell is she going to get music onto her iPod? She doesn’t download. She can barely check her email. She just googled for the first time last month. I know because she called me to tell me all about it. And 7500 songs? 7500 songs? What the fuck? Are there even that many Christian songs out there? She’ll probably buy from iTunes. Downloading is stealing and I’ll be the first to point that out to her. But that’s only if she downloads music. My guess is that it will probably sit in a drawer somewhere collecting dust until either one of my brothers or I comes home to put music on it for her. I hope she likes Gorillaz.

Probably the most discouraging thing from this world-changing news is that my mother’s iPod is better than mine. I have an older 20 GodBytes model that doesn’t play video. She has the new video model. My mother has a better iPod than me. This is outrageous! The question of whether or not God exists has finally been answered: (s)he does. And (s)he’s got one hell of a sense of humor.

I would also like to address the line: “Now I feel as important as my sons.” Having an iPod doesn’t make you feel important. It makes you important. Well, it used too. Now having an iPhone makes you important. In fact, any level of importance I felt has now been decimated by the fact that MY MOTHER HAS A BETTER iPOD THAN ME!

So that’s it people. The iPod is done. You better go out and buy one of those retarded bulky Zune thingies. I hear they come in brown. It might not make you feel important but it certainly will give someone a laugh when they see you with one.

One final note on my mother’s email: I love how she blatantly called me out publicly for not returning her phone call. This only brings my brothers and I closer together. I still haven’t returned her phone call either. Maybe I’ll call her and tell her that my iPod broke. That sounds like a lark.

This Blog entry was posted Friday, January 12th, 2007 at 12:10 am.
Tags: iPod