Megorious

A few weeks ago I purchased an electric pepper mill from The Sharper Image. My original reason for buying it was that I thought it would be cool to have an electric pepper mill handy at all times at work, not to mention it’s just cool. Perhaps the dorkiest thing I have ever done?

I found many different prototypes on the net and I settled with the one from sharperimage.com. When it came in I filled it with black pepper and slapped in 4 AA batteries. It’s really neat. It has a light at the bottom, you know incase the power goes out. Now truth be told the appearance of the mill weighed heavily on my purchasing decision. I mean look at it… What does it look like to you? I named it SGT Pepper and brought it down to the CCG.

The first person at CCG to see SGT Pepper was Steve, the prep cook. Steve is a family man who believes highly in his faith. He goes to Bethany South, you know the place with those ridiculous crosses.
STEVE: What is that a dildo?
RHINE: Yes. It’s a dildo. I thought I would bring a dildo to work for a change.
STEVE: Well, that’s what it looks like.
RHINE: Yeah, I know. I…Wait. How do you know what a silver bullet looks like?
STEVE: How do you know it’s called a silver bullet?
RHINE: I’ve seen Lesbian Anal 2

Amazing.

Now a lot can be said by the sexuality of cracking pepper. Titus, aka sexual chocolate (a name Tyler gave him) enjoys watching SGT Pepper at work.

TITUS: (To Mahi Mahi.) Danielle, grab it. Here. Just grab it.
MAHI MAHI: No. I’m not touching that thing.
TITUS: Just grab it.
MAHI MAHI: No.
TITUS: It has fingerprints all over it. Wipe it clean. Slowly.

Now Titus can be dirty, but that is just who he is. Mahi is not the only one either. Lacey and Lindsay were both afraid to GRAB the pepper mill.

TITUS: Lacey, you and Lindsay should fight over this.
LACEY: No.
TITUS: Here, just grab it for me. At the top.

Anytime a table gets a salad we are suppose to offer fresh pepper. We should just have the pepper mill on our person when running the food.

RHINE: Would you care for some fresh pepper?
LADY: Sure.
RHINE: (Pulls out SGT Pepper from his apron.)
LADY 1: What is THAT?
RHINE: It’s our pepper mill.
LADY 2: Oh. Is that what that is?
RHINE: What did you think it was?
LADY 2: I’ve just never seen anything like that before.
LADY 1: I have.

Women reacted fairly amused to the whole idea of fresh pepper. Naturally anytime I offer pepper to a table I think of the SNL skit with Rob Schneider. Freshn de peppea?

Not only do we have a very phallic pepper grinder sitting on top of our server station but we all carry it around the dining room and beyond with no reservations. In fact when running several plates you have no choice but to stick it in your apron. And boy does it stick out. Oh my my my. It can be very intimidating. You ask your table…

RHINE: Fresh pepper?
PATRON: Sure.
RHINE: WHAM!
PATRON: Nom nom nom nom nom…

I really think it scares some people. It is best not to reveal the grinder until you have confirmation from the table that they want pepper. If you just whip it out they might get scared. You know Chilis doesn’t grind pepper out of a stainless steel cock.

Just the other day I saw Joan (pronounced Joe-Anne) carrying the eyesore through the dining room and some other table saw it and they both burst into laughter. Yeah, you just know.

Yeah!

This Waiting entry was posted Saturday, March 5th, 2005 at 4:01 pm.
Tags: Baton Rouge, CCG, Waiting