megorious

In the ten months that I have been living in Boston I have found myself going on many first dates, that’s one for every month. Although the majority of them were in a two month time frame. I present to you my evidence that the dating scene in Boston is absolutely dreadful.

Date 1
Dinner at The Cheesecake Factory (her choice).
After waiting for a table for two hours we are finally chosen and I get to spend 90 bucks on a crappy meal. The waiter was more entertaining than she was. After that she became obsessive and didn’t get the idea that I just didn’t like her.

Date 2
A Bad Movie (her choice) and Ice Cream (my choice)
We saw a crappy movie that I really didn’t want to see, I paid of course. After we walked to get ice cream and waited in a very long line, which normally wouldn’t be bad but this girl couldn’t hold an interesting conversation. We made out, only because she wouldn’t talk.

Date 3
Crazy BU Keg Party with Starbuck’s Girl
Ok are we still 18? I mean shouldn’t you stop drinking crappy, cheap beer out of a keg at some point? Not even thirty minutes into the party a fight broke out between two SMG students (SMG means school of management or, if you prefer, Sex/Money/Greed) and the cops came; the bloody kid got arrested. Then said date got totally hammered, watered a Bonsai tree with bad milk, started an indoor water balloon fight, broke someone’s laptop, threw up and fell out of a hammock. On the walk home she tripped three times and when we arrived back at her place she invited me in. I didn’t go in, it would have been too easy.

Date 4
Coffee (My choice) and Walking in the Rain (God’s choice)
This girl, whom I met on myspace, seemed cool at first. We had coffee, walked in the rain and then she wanted to get some wine, we did. She got hammered fairly easy and went off on some drunken tirade and ended up crying and stumbling home drunk, alone. Note to women: don’t bitch about your ex boyfriend, it will only make you sound crazy. We all know he dumped you because you are a lunatic.

Date 5
A Walk in the Park
This was a great date to start off with; we were going to be spontaneous for the whole evening; so what could be more spontaneous than not going on a date?. Her troll of a best friend called crying; her snaggletoothed boyfriend dumped her fat ass. Awwww. Go shovel some mayonnaise into your mouth and shut the fuck up. The date ended at 55 minutes when we met her sobbing, blob of a roommate at Ben and Jerry’s; I didn’t know they could put that many scoops on a cone.

Date 6
Nice Dinner at an Expensive Restaurant (her choice)
This hot number I met on Craigslist. The meal was great, probably the best meal since I moved to Boston and the date seemed to be going well. We had a lot in common, similar tastes in movies, music and books. She called me adorable and wondered why I was still single; I was wondering the same about her. “Did I mention I have a daughter?” Um WTF? Sorry, I’m just not into babysitting some little tax deduction. What you call a child you had when you were 18 I call a missed abortion opportunity.

Date 7
Dinner, Movie and Heavy Petting
I met this girl on the green line, she liked my shirt. Dinner was good, the movie was good and the petting was heavy. I’m usually not this forward on a first date but this chick was hot. What’s the problem? I don’t want to date a girl who I have to get to using the commuter rail, it would cost me 12 bucks round trip just to go see her. Sorry, call me when you move into the city…and hey, thanks for touching it.

Date 8
The Aquarium
This stupid girl took so long to get ready that the damn Aquarium was closed by the time we got there. Sorry, punctuality is very important.

Date 9
Cheap Wine with a Cheap Date with Big Fake Boobies
Sorry I’m just not into insecure girls but thanks for letting me cross off one of my life’s goals.

Date 10
Dinner with Cute Girl
We talked a lot and everything seemed to be working out so far. Dinner was good. Dessert was delicious. “Do you love Jesus? I love Jesus.” Check please. Sorry, I’m just not into that whole being saved thing. Too bad really, she really was sexy but I could foresee problems once I tried to move our courting away from holding hands. Try selling that crap to someone living outside of reality. God damn Jesus is such a cockblock.

This Boston entry was posted Wednesday, August 17th, 2005 at 4:12 pm.
Tags: Boston, dating, Jesus