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19 November 2008

You Know, For Kids!


So yesterday afternoon I was at Black Ink, a punny little kitsch store in Harvard Square, when I came across something disturbing in the children’s section, oddly enough above the floating ball game…
Goatse Binocs

I’m not sure if the manufacturer or packaging design team behind the “rubber coated real” binoculars are aware that they’re peddling a product to kids “ages 6 & up” that features an accidental goatse.

Upon discovering said item I asked the on-duty clerks if they were aware that the gripping, spreading hands on the binocular box bared a striking resemblance to something unusual. This prompted one of the clerks to ask, “Are you being lewd, sir?”

Apparently I was….

07 November 2008

Clinging?


Sounds to me like some people are clinging to guns:

…gun enthusiasts nationwide are stocking up on firearms out of fears that the combination of an Obama administration and a Democrat-dominated Congress will result in tough new gun laws.

06 November 2008

The Most Hated Family in America


Back in May I wrote about Westboro Baptist Church and their incessant picketing of funerals and disregard for, well, EVERYONE. Now it looks like they’re at it again….

Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the funeral of Madelyn Payne Dunham — Barack Obama’s late grandmother.

WBC is so despicable even Sean Hannity thinks they go to far. Hannity told Shirley Phelps-Roper, the daughter of WBC founder Reverend Fred Waldron Phelps Sr., “You are a sick, soulless, twisted human being.”

She just laughed it off.

The BBC’s Louis Theroux recently showcased the hatred of Westboro Baptist Church in an hour-long exposé. The full video is available online and I thought I’d share it with y’all. With more and more “moderate” Republicans loosing their seats in Congress, religious extremists like this could be the future of the GOP.

02 November 2008

Daylight Savings Time


I like to wake up before Grandpa Wiggly every morning so that I can get the newspaper before he gets dribbles all over it. But this whole skylarking business of time traveling by the government has thwarted my scheme once again. You see grandbabies, Grandpa Wiggly never falls back in the fall when he is supposed to, so when the time changes back in the spring, he is one step ahead of Grandma. The only falling that fool does is when I hide his cane!

As much as I hate this whole Daylight Savings Time I have to do it otherwise I’ll miss my shows in the afternoon. A few years ago I tried to beat Grandpa Wiggly at his own game. I thought I had won until Monday afternoon came around and I missed my Days! I turned on the moving pictures box expecting to see Days and what did Grandma find? Some damn silver-haired fool talking about fat babies and boot camps. Now why would anyone send boots to camp? I tell you this world changes more than my drawers! After forty somewhat years I missed my first episode of Days! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LAWWWWWD! Grandma Nubb was so upset. From that day forward I vowed to play along with the government’s Time Traveling just so I won’t ever again miss my stories.

I guess if Grandma Nubb can eat the government’s cheese then she can live on the government’s time. Lawd indeed!

-GRANDMA NUBB!
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LAWD!

25 October 2008

Why so megorious?


Tonight we’re having our annual Halloween party at The Hamilton Palace. The theme is the Presidential Election — Jokerized!

Why so megorious?

24 October 2008

There’s a Bee on Your Face!


I’ve heard of the ‘O’ Face but a ‘B’ face?

A Texas woman volunteering for the GOP in Pittsburgh, PA claims a “dark-skinned African-American, 6 feet 4 inches tall with a medium build and short dark hair, wearing dark clothing and shiny shoes” robbed her and then, after noticing a John McCain bumper sticker on her car, became angry and cut the letter ‘B’ into her face with a knife. The police still cannot substantiate the claim, this is only what the woman said happened.

Despite being made with a knife, as the woman claims, she refused medical care but gracefully accepted media attention. But the best part was that the letter ‘B’ was “cut” backwards — as if made while looking in a mirror. So either the assailant was dyslexic or the woman faked the whole thing.

UPDATE: The victim has been identified as Ashley Todd, 20, of College Station, Texas. Wonkette has screencaps from her Twitter account, as she conveniently documented the whole ordeal.

UPDATE 2: Even conservative blogger Michelle Malkin thinks this stinks.

UPDATE 3: Salon has great rundown of the entire ordeal:

The alleged attack happened Wednesday night, at a local ATM. Todd says her assailant came up behind her while she was using the ATM, put a knife to her throat and demanded money, and that she gave him $60. But then, Todd says, the robber saw her bumper sticker and attacked her, punching her in the back of the head and knocking her down. Todd told police that the man continued to punch and kick her, saying he’d teach her a lesson for supporting McCain. In a later interview, she added that he said, “You are going to be a Barack supporter.” According to Todd, he then sat on her chest, pinning her hands with his knees, and used a dull knife to scratch the letter “B” into her right cheek. WTAE, a local television station, reports that this occurred outside the view of the bank’s security cameras.

…the Web site TMZ.com says it has sources inside the Pittsburgh police who say “they have serious questions about the authenticity of the alleged victim who says she had her face cut by a politically-motivated attacker.” The site also reports that it has been told “there are several things about the alleged attack that don’t add up.” Police reinterviewed Todd Thursday night, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports; the questioning lasted at least five hours. And the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review says investigators plan to administer a polygraph test to Todd, reportedly because her statements conflict with evidence from the scene where she says the attack occurred.

Update: Shortly after I posted this, WTAE updated its story on the incident with additional comment from Richard, who said, “We have learned that the victim’s statement has a few inconsistencies in it and her statement has changed.” According to Richard, Todd now says she isn’t sure if it was her bumper sticker that enraged her alleged attacker or a campaign button she wore on her jacket. (Separately, the Post-Gazette reports that she did not originally tell police about the bumper sticker at all.) She has also reportedly added new details to her story, saying she lost consciousness during the attack and also that she was sexually assaulted.

“She indicated that when he had her on the ground he put his hand up her blouse and started fondling her. But other than that, she says she doesn’t remember anything else. So we’re adding a sexual assault to this as well,” Richard said.

UPDATE 4: Ashley Todd admits making up the whole thing.

04 October 2008

13


Thirteen years to the day he was acquitted of double murder, O.J. Simpson was found guilty on twelve counts, including conspiracy to commit a crime, armed robbery, assault and kidnapping with a deadly weapon. The jury deliberated for thirteen hours.

Thirteen is an unlucky number for some.