megorious

This is a cheesy (but funny) video Sarah and I made at my apartment during the wee hours of the morning. It’s an emulation of the film The Omen for Peg Aloi’s class Cinema and the Occult. The point was that we had twelve minutes of class time to give an oral presentation about the occult’s influence on the film. This video knocked eight minutes of that time right out. We had to include educational information but, as you will see, we didn’t take it very seriously. We did get an ‘A’ though. Watch for a cameo from Linus.

Last semester I founded a sketch comedy troupe at school. This is our first sketch - a behind the scenes look at how funny we think we are. Jimmy C put it all together.

Last spring in our Writing for TV class, we had a conference call with Rob McElhenney, the creator of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. As a thank you our class sent him a t-shirt that reads “Emerson College Football - Undefeated Since 1880.” (Emerson has never had a football team, hence the irony.) Well, on last night’s hi-larious third season finale, Rob sported that very same t-shirt. Much to my surprise, he did not cut the sleeves off. If you’ve never checked out It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia you should, it’s one of the funniest shows on TV. There’s also a brief write-up about the shirt on Emerson’s VMA page.

After a 6 am rendezvous at Logan “Wolverine” International Airport in Boston, the fifteen of us flew to Austin in record time thanks to an Einstein-Rosen bridge - a wormhole in space-time continuum.

Thursday was pretty tame, with half of us taking naps after registration and panel sign-ups. Thursday night most of us took in Chicago 10. The film, about the eight anti-war protesters who were put on trial following the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago, blends animation with actual archive footage. The film is powerful enough to incite outrage - the kind that doesn’t seem to exist in America anymore.

I was somewhat distracted by the prosecutor’s uncanny resemblance to George W. Bush. I’m still not sure whether that was intentional or not. The voice performances include Hank Azaria and Liev Schreiber, along with many of the actual Yippies playing themselves. The standout however was Roy Scheider’s chilling performace as the merciless Judge. I’ll be hearing his voice in my nightmares for years to come.

After the film I met up with Ms. Chloe Vanderhaven, Blewis, Mr. LeBlanc, and Not Taylor for some delicious Shiner Bock.

Friday was filled with seminars, round tables with Hollywood screenwriters and producers, and other various conference shenanigans. That evening we took in The Zombie Diaries, which was a low-budget zombie film in the tradition of 28 Days Later with nauseating camera work ala The Blair Witch Project. The gore was minimal. The performances were OK with the exception of the one American in the cast. He was awful and obnoxious, and not in a good way.

Saturday was more of the same as Friday in terms on the conference. There was an awards luncheon where we were served undercooked porn wrapped with undercooked bacon. The speaker was Oliver “Olie” Stone but most of us didn’t stay to see him since the luncheon started nearly an hour late.

Saturday evening, most of us from school attended the wrap party, where several of us stalked (and considered kidnapping) screenwriter Scott Alexander. Luckily for him we forgot our ether rag. Damn it all… There was also a hilarious happenstance involving The Daily Show’s “resident black guy” Larry Wilmore and a guy who looked nothing like him.

Sadly, Saturday evening I also had to say goodbye to Chloe Vanderhaven, Blewis, and Not Taylor. Sunday we got to sleep in (till 10 am) and then headed back to Boston.

The Weekly Dig has a fairly spot-on collection of all the Emerson stereotypes summed up into a few paragraphs. It was written by Michael Brodeur, a one-time Emerson professor, so no one can really challenge the validity of his claims. The accompanying picture is fairly accurate as well, save for the smile.

You are a communicator, an artist, a poet, a filmmaker, a marketeer, an actor, a free spirit with your eyes on the prize. And now, you’re an Emersonian–which means that soon, you will drive everyone on earth up the fucking wall with your bullshit. Your salutatorian speech at high school commencement was an interpretive dance. Your band printed T-shirts before you wrote any songs. Every moment of your life is a MySpace profile pic waiting to happen. The world is your proverbial browser.

Ryan entre dans le café. Monique est seul à une table.

MONIQUE: Ryan! Ici!
RYAN: Salut Monique.
MONIQUE: Comment vas-tu?
RYAN: Comme ci comme ça. Et toi?
MONIQUE: Très très mal.
RYAN: Très très mal? Pourquoi?
MONIQUE: J’ai tombé de mes patins a roulettes!
RYAN: C’est drôle.
MONIQUE: Ce n’est pas de drôle.
RYAN: Je suis désolé. Tu ês si maladroite.
MONIQUE: Mon malheur vous amuse-t-il ?
RYAN: Oui. Beaucoup.
MONIQUE: Je dîne avec Robert ce soir.
RYAN: Vraiment? Avec Robert?
MONIQUE: Mais oui!
RYAN: Tu aimes Robert!
MONIQUE: Quelquefois. Il est ridicule et enfantin!

This is a video from my performance for television class. I stumble on a few lines but its only two minutes. Enjoy.

Last Thursday I posted an email I sent to the Emerson College IT department. I got two responses the very next morning.

The first email is from “the messenger” who replied to my email sent to the help desk. The second email if from Neil Davin, the manager of technology support services at Emerson College. Both emails addressed my problems and concerns in good humor.

Read more »»

The following is an email I sent today to the Emerson College IT department:

I like to think of myself as a fairly patient person but the technology at this school is down right pathetic more often than not. The inability to do the simplest things has forced me to completely reevaluate how I spend my downtime on campus.

My biggest quarrel is with the wireless internet access. Connecting to the internet is a serious obstacle. I can’t tell you how many times I have to click “try again” when attempting to access EC Mobile. If I manage to make some leeway in my arduous connection process, I am rewarded with watching “Authenticating… Authenticating… Authenticating…” scroll across the top of my shiny Mac indefinitely.

Now, as ridiculous as it sounds, let’s say, hypothetically, I manage to get online. On a good day I can load a webpage in less than a minute. Whilst waiting for said webpage to load I enjoy watching the strength of my wireless signal fluctuate like John Kerry’s political positions in the 2004 Presidential campaign. (I realize the preceding was an outdated joke but it is appropriate when referencing Emerson’s outdated wireless service.)

There is one other thing that seriously irks me. These little print stations located all over Emerson, especially the one on the fourth floor IT offices, are the slowest machines I have ever encountered. The other morning I had thirty minutes to print four pages before class. You would think that would be ample time. You would think wrong. I timed it. Honestly, I did. (I’m very OCD.)

It took me three minutes just to log in and get the desktop up on screen. (This included the delayed appearance of characters in my user name and password as I typed them.) And don’t ask about the computer next to me, the person there was having the same issues. Once I got Internet Explorer to open I got two pop-up messages telling me some error had occurred. I had to close these then wait for the E-Campus page to load. Getting into my email was fairly simple but still slow. Trying to open a Word attachment was even slower. The real fun came when it was time for me to print. I clicked print and then waited; hoping, praying, pleading that my command would be accepted. It was, so I slid my card. I am NOT over exaggerating - it took four minutes for the swipe of my card to register. Then it took another minute just to get the screen to respond to my boney digit attempting to select the document I so desperately wished to print. Then it took another three minutes for the damn thing to acknowledge that yes, I do indeed wish to PRINT! And then of course the printer took its sweet time spitting out my four pages but that time is always a treat after what it took to get to this miraculous moment. These print stations seem to be getting slower by the day. What’s the deal, yo?

I wrote this because after nearly three years at Emerson I have observed that the college seems to be going backwards in terms of general technological competence. I mean sure we have fantastic editing labs and state of the art equipment, but if we can’t get online or print a freaking piece of paper then there is something seriously wrong here. I don’t place blame on one particular person or even one particular department. It’s obviously an all-around issue. But regardless of where the problems are, the simplest tasks have become grotesquely perturbing annoyances.

Sincerely,
Ryan Saucier

The original Sofa King.