megorious

Paul Newman has passed away.

Dramatization of The Decider’s first encounter with the librarian who would be his first lady.

Clue, the 1985 film based on the Parker Brothers board game of the same name, is my all-time favorite film. I’ve seen it at least a hundred times and know every line by heart. So you could imagine I was a bit distraught after finding out that there could be a remake on the horizon. According to Variety:

Universal Pictures has announced a six-year partnership with Hasbro to produce at least four feature films based on branded properties. The properties include Monopoly, Candyland, Clue, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering and Stretch Armstrong.

Transformers was the first and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra will be the second. Hopefully they’ll only make four and Clue won’t be one of them. A Candyland or Ouija movie might be interesting.

The problem with remakes is that they take away from the original. The fact that Michael Bay has already been signed to remake Rosemary’s Baby makes me want to throw up in my mouth; not a little, but a lottle. I could just see a wretched Clue remake: directed by McG and starring Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Alba, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Shudder.

Instead of remaking Clue, why not do a revival? They could simply reuse most of the original cast in their original roles since most are still around, though considerably older.

If they must remake Clue, and assuming they use the characters from the original film, allow me to offer up some casting suggestions:

Wadsworth (originally played by Tim Curry)
• Eddie Izzard

Mrs. Peacock (originally played by Eileen Brennan)
• Catherine O’Hara (first choice)
• Parker Posey

Mrs. White (originally played by the late, great Madeline Kahn)
• Sigourney Weaver (first choice)
• Parker Posey

Professor Plum (originally played by Christopher Lloyd)
• William H. Macy (first choice)
• Ed Begley Jr.

Mr. Green (originally played by Michael McKean)
• Tim Robbins (first choice)
• Stephen Colbert

Colonel Mustard (originally played by Martin Mull)
• Stephen Root (first choice)
• John Michael Higgins

Miss Scarlet (originally played by Lesley Ann Warren).
• Miranda Richardson (first choice)
• Queen Latifah

Yvette (originally played by Colleen Camp).
• Queen Latifah (first choice)
• Paris Hilton

Mr. Boddy (originally played by Lee Ving).
• Harvey Keitel (first choice)
• Steve Buscemi

I think any possible Clue remake would best be left in the hands of Christopher Guest and his comedic crew, which would give us Michael McKean. Many of my choices are from Guest’s films anyway: Parker Posey, John Michael Higgins, Catherine O’Hara, Ed Begley Jr..

In fact, Christopher Guest’s Clue might end up looking a little something like this:
Jennifer Coolidge — Mrs. Peacock
John Michael Higgins — Colonel Mustard
Catherine O’Hara — Mrs. White
Ed Begley Jr. — Professor Plum
Christopher Guest — Mr. Green
Parker Posey — Miss Scarlet
With Eugene Levy, Bob Balaban, Larry Miller, Fred Willard, and Michael McKean available to play other characters and/or murder victims.

In the meantime, and hopefully forever, there is just one Clue, a film where any snippet will always make me laugh, no matter how many times I’ve seen it. But this bit featuring Mrs. White slays me more than any other.

Here are a few other clips to get you through the day:
• “I had to stop her from screaming.”
• “I said ‘no’ meaning yes.”
• 1 + 2 + 2 + 1
• “Mr. Boddy’s body, it’s gone.”

And if you’ve never seen it, czech out the trailer.

Last November, a special effects technician was killed during a stunt test run.

In January, Heath Ledger died of an accidental drug overdose.

Last month, Christian Bale was arrested by London police on suspicion of assault following a complaint made by his mother and sister.

And just today, Morgan Freeman was hospitalized following a serious car accident in Mississippi.

In the past, other films have been labeled as cursed following accidents and/or deaths involving cast and crew — films such as The Crow, Poltergeist, The Exorcist, The Omen, and most notably, Rosemary’s Baby.

So, is The Dark Knight cursed?

After a disappointing teaser before The Dark Knight, Warner Bros. has finally released an official trailer (with actual footage!) for David Yates’ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. And I must say, it’s one of the best trailers I’ve seen in years. With all that was cut out of Order of the Phoenix, I was concerned they might cut short some of the best parts of book six: Young Tom Riddle. If the trailer is any indication, fans of the book shouldn’t be disappointed.

In other children’s literature into film news: Johnny Depp has been cast as The Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s live-action/CGI version of the Lewis Carrol’s classic, Alice in Wonderland. Mia Wasikowska is set to play young Alice. With Burton and Depp on board, we might finally get a twisted take on the tale, even though Disney is the studio backing the film. I’d be willing to put money on Burton’s squeeze — Helena Bonham Carter — as the Queen of Hearts.

Sunday, August 3, 2008
After placing second Friday and despite predictions that it would finally fall from its perch atop the box office, The Dark Knight buried The Mummy over the weekend, bringing its three week cumulative gross to $394.9 million.

The Dark Knight, which is currently the eighth highest grossing film of all time, will pass the $400 million mark sometime Monday. By this time next week it will surpass Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, E.T., and Shrek 2 to become the third highest grossing film of all-time, falling behind only the original Star Wars ($460,998,007), which it will overtake within another week, and Titanic ($600,788,188).
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The New Yorker’s David Denby is confused and couldn’t bother to spare 30 seconds for research. He seems to think Tim Burton created Batman:

Warner Bros. has continued to drain the poetry, fantasy, and comedy out of Tim Burton’s original conception for “Batman,” (1989), completing the job of coarsening the material into hyperviolent summer action spectacle.

Now, Denby might not necessarily think Tim Burton created Batman, he could very well be referring to the original cinematic conception. If so, that makes it even more unacceptable. A film critic should understand the art of film and, more importantly, the unique vision of each individual auteur. Perhaps Denby thinks every director should aspire to imitate Tim Burton’s fantastic style of filmmaking.

Denby is the first major film critic to give The Dark Knight a negative review. (Apparently, it’s not as good as Hancock.) I won’t see the film until Thursday night, so I can’t say whether I agree with him or not, but calling the film a “hyperviolent summer action spectacle” seems to contradict nearly every other review. In fact, many critics have stated that The Dark Knight isn’t typical summer fare. One might wonder if David Denby wrote a negative review just for the sake of being the sole voice of dissent.

Read more reveiws of The Dark Knight...

In case you couldn’t tell, my excitement for The Dark Knight is not cable of being measured. (Don’t believe me, then feel these nipples.) I bought my midnight tickets three weeks ago. Rebecca and I will be there with bells on. (Rebecca and I will not actually be wearing bells.)

In addition to being a true patriot, Senator Patrick Leahy (D, Vermont) is also a fellow Batman fan. He did some voice work on Batman: The Animated Series and had a cameo in Joel Schumacher’s campy craptacular, Batman and Robin.

Well, Leahy has a cameo in The Dark Knight too — he’s visible in the full trailer that came out a few months ago. But he’s not just some random extra in the background, he has a small speaking part and gets to interact with Heath Ledger’s Joker. Let me just say, Leahy is one tough cookie. This is a guy who has tangled with clowns before, including one of the biggest jokes in American history: Alberto Gonzales.

If you can’t wait another two weeks, you can check out Senator Leahy in action now.

There’s a new official clip from The Dark Knight featuring Aaron Eckhart over at Why So Serious? It might contain minor spoilers.

I can’t stand Kevin Costner. I can count on one hand how many of his films I have enjoyed. I’m not over exaggerating. Watch, I’ll count them: Thirteen Days, Waterworld (yes, I enjoyed it the first time I saw it), A Perfect World, and JFK. There’s just something about Costner that makes me want to throw up in my mouth. So you can probably imagine how I cringed when I saw him pop-up in a new film trailer the other day. There he was, southern hick drawl and all, fishing with some child who probably has never heard of Kevin Costner.

In the trailer, the little girl starts nagging her dad, Bud, about the importance of voting. Bud’s not registered, so she took the liberty of registering for him. “Great, I could get jury duty.” Bud goes to vote and the voting machine suffers some sort of internal error. His vote is null but he gets to vote again.

Then, as if the presence of Kevin Costner wasn’t enough to make me prematurely hate this movie, a voice-over from none other than Chris fucking Matthews excretes out of the speakers in Dolby Digital Surround Sound, like the T-Rex devouring the jeep in Jurassic Park. The Presidential election has come down to one state where the vote is tied. That’s right, Bud’s singular revote will be the deciding vote for all of America. His vote is the only one that counts.

At this point I’m thinking I should just shoot myself. Chris Matthews’ voice is enough. Surely they won’t show his vast pale face. They can’t. They won’t. They do! Chris Matthews’ enormous fucking melon head fills the screen. No one should ever have to see Chris Matthews projected on a screen that large. Oh, the huge manatee!

I’m just about to pull the trigger when something happens: The projected image shifts from Chris Matthews to a bunch of drunks watching the news in a bar. Then, a split-screen of the two presidential nominees.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, at that very moment my opinion of this film went from utter revulsion to curious amusement. I literally became giddy and excited to see this film. The casting for the two presidential candidates (Dennis Hopper, Kelsey Grammer) and their staff (Nathan Lane, Stanley Tucci) is inspiring, almost enough to make me forget that Kevin Costner is the focus of the film. Check out the trailer and see for yourself. For once I might actually go see a Kevin Costner film.

How much do you wanna bet that the ultra-conservative Kelsey Grammer plays the Republican nominee?