Megorious

Hello again grandchildren, Grandpa Wiggly here answering your emails.

Before I get to today’s correspondence, Grandma Nubb and I would like to publicly thank TED for giving us his old computer. You see grandchildren, TED got a new important job which endtrail gives him more money to buy things, like a shiny new laptop that he can easily take with him when he does things on the road. Being the kind man that he is, TED let us have his old computer. Grandma Nubb even got up extra early to wash all the chicken grease off the keyboard. I’m talking to all you grandchildren from it right now. WIGGLY!

Can you believe TED didn’t even want something in return for this kind gift? But, being the kind people we are, Grandma Nubb is going to cook TED dinner one night. It’s the least we could do. Since TED will be so busy working from his basement, where he does things, for his new job, Grandpa Wiggly won’t have to bother him every Wiggly Wednesday to talk to you grandchildren via the interweb. Now Grandpa Wiggly has a computer right in his own room. Who wants to be the first to touch Grandpa Wiggly’s mouse?

Now, on to the correspondence. Today is a very special day in Grandpa’s bedroom; an old friend has taken the time to send Grandpa Wiggly correspondence.

Emory,
Yes and I want to address the point that my September edition of “Southern Housekeeping” is missing from my room. I haven’t seen it since you and that Boy Scout visited me here at St. James retirement center on the Sabbath. Please note the importance of this correspondence and address the issue as you will. I prefer to have my magazine here for reading, so if you could respond to me and address its location for me, that is what you must do. I need to read my magazine, that is why I bought it.

Sincerely,
Betty Ball

Well this is obviously one of those junk emails TED calls spam. Always remember to install your updates grandchildren.

~wiggly

Hello to all my grandchildren out in there in the World Wide Wiggle, Grandpa Wiggly here with more of your correspondence on this beautiful Wiggly Wednesday.

Today’s letter makes Grandpa Wiggly feel all warm and itchy inside. It’s from Jaci, one of Grandpa Wiggly’s favorite grandchildren. Jaci is weaker than Grandpa Wiggly which means Grandpa Wiggly can overpower her easily.

Grandpa,
What are yours and grandma’s names? (Other than Grandpa Wiggly and Grandma Nubb?) I’ve always wondered.
-Jaci in Louisiana

Well Jaci that is a very good question. It would be absurd if we didn’t. To you and all our other grandchildren we are known just as Grandpa Wiggly and Grandma Nubb. We do have names dear grandchildren. All real people have real names and Grandma Nubb and I are very real people. If we weren’t real people I don’t know what we would be. Surely not just the fanciful creation of a disturbed boy. That would be plain silly; not to mention concerning to the authorities. Unless of course we were a creation born out of the wonderful world of fiction. Always remember what Grandpa Wiggly says about fiction. Fiction is just lies. What some people call creative fiction, others call dissociation. Now back to grandchildren Jaci’s inquiry.

Grandma Nubb’s first name is Harriet and Grandpa Wiggly’s first name is Emory. But you can just call us Grandpa Wiggly and Grandma Nubb. It’s not polite to call an adulterer by his or her first name. In fact, it’s quite rude!

Now you know more about your Grandpa Wiggly. Can’t wait to see you at Christmas.

~wiggly

Hello grandchildren. Grandpa Wiggly here with more of your correspondence. Today’s letter asks one of Grandpa Wiggly’s favorite questions in the whole wide world.

Dear Grandpa Wiggly,
What did you have for dinner last night? I had pizza and a few beers.
-Drew

Well grandchildren Drew, first things first. Beer is not a good thing. In fact it’s very dangerous. It can lead to accidents or even marriage and you don’t want that. You’re also at a higher risk of going on a drunken tirade. Just don’t drink and drive. If you need a ride, call your Grandpa Wiggly.

You must have known that I love talking about my last night’s supper. I assume you mean supper, because Grandpa Wiggly considers dinner to be what most people call lunch. My supper is what you probably call dinner. Even though you asked about dinner, which is lunch to me but supper to you, your clearly initiated inquiry indicated a meal consumed “last night”? Grandma Nubb did away with lunches many years ago. She instituted an executive marriage dinner decision by doing away with referring to lunch. Regardless, I had the same thing for supper as I did for dinner, which is lunch to you. Are you with me grandchildren? Okie dokie.

Part of what fuels Grandpa Wiggly is what goes into Grandpa Wiggly. And what goes into Grandpa Wiggly comes out of Grandpa Wiggly. Grandma Nubb didn’t cook any supper last night so I had my two favorite foods - corn niblets and wet bread. As you probably know, Grandpa Wiggly doesn’t have teeth these days. That’s just what happens when you get old grandchildren. You start to lose things like teeth, hair and even your….Errr….I forgot. What was Grandpa Wiggly going on about again?

~wiggly

Hello Grandchildren. I’m back. Grandpa Wiggly here answering all of your emails. Today’s email comes all the way from Bradley in San Francisco:

What makes you so wiggly and is it copyrighted? Can we enjoy the fruits of your wigglieness without infringing on your intellectual property? Are you threatened by non-wiggly influences like viagra or boobies?
Does TED pay rent? If so, can I rent him out for parties? like a spacewalk.

Bradley : ;

Well young, firm bradley Grandpa has been wiggly since meeting Grandma Nubb. My wiggly is copyrighted and, as always, you never have to ask to enjoy a cold, wet wiggly. Grandpa tried viagra once. I thought I had died. It was like rigor mortis. Grandma Nubb still gives me heck about that day. As for boobies, I don’t see them often. Grandma used to have some nice ones but now they’re just dirty from dragging them around all the time. Next time you come over I’ll have to show you a picture of Grandma’s rack, and I don’t mean her spice rack. As for T.E.D., he doesn’t live with us. He is just in our house sometimes, usually when we aren’t home. T.E.D. lives across the street and is nice enough to let us use his computer in his basement, where he does things. Grandma says we bother him too much, but he usually just closes the curtain when we come over. He’s a very busy man, you should ask him about renting him out. What’s a spacewalk?

~wiggly