megorious

The 80th Annual Academy Awards, hosted by Jon Stewart [in real time].

Download an Oscar ballot (PDF).
My predictions.

8:31:13 I just realized I don’t feel like doing this…Let’s see how long I last…
8:31:53 The opening is a computer generated scene of different memorable movie moments mixed together. For some reason John Travolta looks the most fake.

8:33:10 Jon Stewart enters.
8:33:27 First Jack Nicholson sighting. He’s wearing shades! I could just paste in last year’s commentary…
8:35:10 First inside joke about the industry.
8:35:37 Jon makes commentary on the influx of cold-hearted, gruesome movies.

8:37:17 First Hillary Clinton joke is followed up immediately by the first Jew joke. Then a Norbit joke. Did you know Norbit is nominated tonight? It’s true!

8:38:25 Dennis Hopper!
8:40:35 “Oscar is 80 this year” segues into a Republican joke. And thus the political humor begins.
8:41:42 “The ill-fated presidential campaign of Gaydolph Titler”

8:43:45 Jennifer Garner, looking unhealthily skinny, presents…
BEST COSTUME - Elizabeth: The Golden Age

8:45:27 I feel like there’s a movie about Queen Elizabeth every year.
8:49:01 George Clooney intros the first freakin’ retrospect, “80 Years of Oscar.”  I have to pee…

8:52:30 “My Heart Will Go On” goes on for way to long. It’s a shame Celine Dion was killed during the war with Canada a few years ago. Damn Terrance and Philip.

8:53:32 Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway. He’s hilarious as always. She’s almost transparent.
8:54:24 “Is this being shown in Belgium?”
8:54:29 They present…
ANIMATED FEATURE – Ratatouille

8:57:12 PM The Oscar stage looks like the chyrogenic freezing chamber in Demolition Man.

8:57:54 Katherine Heigl, the actress, admits that she’s “not very good at this.” She presents…
MAKEUP – La Vie En Rose

9:00:15 PM ben: what the hell is this gay shit?
9:00:50 PM megorious: I dunno
9:01:37 PM ben: can’t watch this
9:01:44 PM megorious: This movie has three songs nominated.
9:01:45 PM ben: what did I miss in the first hour?
9:01:53 PM megorious: It just started at 8:30
9:01:55 PM megorious: And nothing.
9:01:59 PM megorious: Except that Norbit lost.
9:02:11 PM ben: I’m gonna watch Girlfriends on the CW!
9:02:40 PM ben: look at that rack!
9:03:27 PM megorious: Iraq that shit!

9:07:29 PM megorious: Jon Stewart seems less nervous tonight than he did a few years ago.
9:08:11 PM ben: the Rock’s comedic timing is impeccable.
9:08:25 PM megorious: It’s funny that The Rock is presenting special effects considering he is one.
9:08:36 PM ben: I think pirates will win
9:08:42 PM megorious: Transformers!
9:08:48 PM ben: heard it sucked!
9:08:55 PM megorious: And pirates didnt?
9:09:09 PM ben: the third one was watchable.. I hated the first and second ones
9:09:13 PM ben: but we’re talking about special FX here
9:09:15 PM megorious: Do you think The Rock hangs out with The Paper and The Scissors?
9:09:24 PM ben: no.

SPECIAL EFFECTS - The Golden Compass

9:10:27 PM megorious: I hate this show.
9:10:43 PM ben: the academy awards?
9:11:01 PM megorious: Yeah. It’s the most boring four and a half hours in the world.

9:11:30 Kate Blanchett presents…
ART DIRECTION - Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

9:15:38 PM ben: how far Cuba Gooding Jr. has fallen.
9:15:55 PM megorious: I remember the year he ruined the Oscars.
9:15:59 PM ben: in 1997 he was a god at the Oscars. now he’s doing Hanes commercials and Snow Dogs 3.
9:16:06 PM megorious: The following year he just started ruining every thing else.

9:16:57 Jennifer Hudson presents…
SUPPORTING ACTOR - Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men

9:19:12 PM megorious: I think he and Brad Garrett are the same person.
9:19:30 PM megorious: And he kinda looks like Robert Downey Jr. a bit too.
9:19:32 PM ben: he looks like robert downey junior to me
9:19:34 PM ben: yeah!
9:20:14 PM ben: erin disagrees
9:20:29 PM megorious: She would. Her glasses distort the truth.
9:20:46 PM megorious: But her breasts cushion the blow.

9:23:01 Oscar’s salute to binoculars and periscopes…
9:24:01 Oscar’s salute to bad dreams…
9:25:16 Keri Russel is shiny in HD

9:29:20 PM ben: someone tell Owen Wilson his nose is fucked up.
9:29:56 PM megorious: I think he’s doing a remake of Pinocchio or Roxanne

LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM - Le Mozart des Pickpockets

9:32:01 Jerry Seinfeld, as a bee, presents…
ANIMATED SHORT FILM - Peter and the Wolf

9:31:36 PM ben: hey, it’s Jer-bee Seinfeld
9:33:55 PM megorious: The announcer just said the winner’s name wrong.

9:34:01 MONTAGE!

9:35:53 Alan Arkin presents…
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

9:40:28 Tilda Swinton just made an odd Batman and Robin “nippled batsuit” reference during her acceptance speech. Way to ruin everyone’s night.

9:44:50 The “always fantastic” Jessica Alba talks about how they let her host the Oscar tech awards. Good for her.

9:46:23 Another Jack Nicholson reference and sighting.

9:44:24 PM ben: jack nicholson is bald?
9:44:54 PM ben: uh, “the always fantastic Jessica Alba”??
9:45:43 PM megorious: I guess it’s a Fantastic 4 reference.
9:45:49 PM megorious: Or maybe she’s just fantastic.
9:46:02 PM ben: maybe both.
9:46:03 PM megorious: Or maybe she’s the new spokesperson for Fantastic: the cleaner
9:47:00 PM ben: james macavoy looks terrible, whoever he is
9:47:17 PM megorious: Is that a fake accent?

9:46:44 Josh Brolin and James Mcavoy present…
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY - Joel & Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men

9:49:49 The president! Of the Academy!
9:52:54 Jon Stewart Sarcasm®

10:01:14 “And the baby goes too…Angelina Jolie!” Hilarious.

10:04:07 Okay it’s the middle hour and I’ve grown more than bored with this…I have homework to do. Maybe I’ll be back later…

Mad props to Ben for stunting for laughs with me.

This Film entry was posted Sunday, February 24th, 2008 at 1:57 pm.
Tags: Batman and Robin, Jon Stewart, Oscars