Ghost Watcher
I can’t think of a movie I want to see less than Ghost Rider. I think if they made Left Behind 3: Lost in New York I would rather see that. Who thought this was a good idea? Seriously…
Hollywood makes mostly shit but at least its the kind of shit you don’t mind scraping off the bottom of your shoe. But Ghost Rider looks to be shitty, like the morning after drinking draft beer all night shitty. I wish I could have been in the room when they were pitching this idea:
Stunt motorcyclist Johnny Blaze gives up his soul to become a hellblazing vigilante, to fight against power hungry Blackheart, the son of the devil himself.
First of all, I’m pretty sure Blackheart is the name of a villain from the Care Bears. Secondly, the name Johnny Blaze is about as cool as Johnny Storm, who happens to be another Marvel character - the Human Torch from The Fantastic Four, which currently holds the title of worst comic book movie EVAR. Sadly its about to lose that honor.
Once you’ve got the premise you have to cast the hero. We need someone who has mass marketing appeal and who can do great accents…. I got it!
Nick Cage has no appeal whatsoever. He was good in Raising Arizona but he should have stopped there. I can still remember seeing Snake Eyes at the Tinsletown Theatre back home all those years ago. There is one point in that movie where Cage utters this cringing line: “Commander Kevin Dunn (Gary Sinise) is one of the most honorable dudes that I have ever known.” If that isn’t poetry then I don’t know what isn’t.
Cage’s last huge commercial success was National Treasure which, according to IMDB, will have a sequel, National Treasure: The Book of Secrets, sometime this year. Let’s hope this sequel will be as good as Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows. At least we can be thankful that there will probably never be a Ghost Rider 2: Electric Boogaloo. Though, you never know these days.
