I found this short story last week and meant to post it, but The Grammar Vandal beat me to it. I think she has my computer bugged with her secret legion of grammar bugs (comma caterpillar, sentence structure spider, transitive termites, ect.). I adore absurd and abundant alliteration.
This short story was published in the 19th century by an unknown author. Read it out loud.
Once again, Mississippi is the fattest state in America, followed by West Virginia, Alabama, and Louisiana. Colorado is the thinnest. Massachusetts is ranked 48th. Surprisingly Texas, where everything is bigger, is ranked 15th.
In case you couldn’t tell, my excitement for The Dark Knight is not cable of being measured. (Don’t believe me, then feel these nipples.) I bought my midnight tickets three weeks ago. Rebecca and I will be there with bells on. (Rebecca and I will not actually be wearing bells.)
In addition to being a true patriot, Senator Patrick Leahy (D, Vermont) is also a fellow Batman fan. He did some voice work on Batman: The Animated Series and had a cameo in Joel Schumacher’s campy craptacular, Batman and Robin.
Well, Leahy has a cameo in The Dark Knight too — he’s visible in the full trailer that came out a few months ago. But he’s not just some random extra in the background, he has a small speaking part and gets to interact with Heath Ledger’s Joker. Let me just say, Leahy is one tough cookie. This is a guy who has tangled with clowns before, including one of the biggest jokes in American history: Alberto Gonzales.
If you can’t wait another two weeks, you can check out Senator Leahy in action now.
DuckTales was one of my favorite shows as a wee lad. But now someone has tainted my childhood by making it all dirty. Whoever made this seriously needs to lay off the quack pipe.
Of the sweatiest cities in America, Baton Rouge ranks ninth, according to a study conducted by Old Spice, of all people. New Orleans ranks twelfth, Austin is twenty-third, and Boston is eightieth. San Francisco is the least sweatiest.
The people of Phoenix, the alleged sweatiest city, produce 26.4 ounces of sweat an hour — the equivalent of more than two cans of soda. An hour. Eww.
This is bullshit. Baton Rouge should be first. I’m sweating just thinking about it. Phoenix is a dry heat. They might get temperatures well above 100 but they don’t have the humidity. Spend the summer in South Louisiana and try not to be moist all day long.
This is a cheesy (but funny) video Sarah and I made at my apartment during the wee hours of the morning. It’s an emulation of the film The Omen for Peg Aloi’s class Cinema and the Occult. The point was that we had twelve minutes of class time to give an oral presentation about the occult’s influence on the film. This video knocked eight minutes of that time right out. We had to include educational information but, as you will see, we didn’t take it very seriously. We did get an ‘A’ though. Watch for a cameo from Linus.
The internet is about to get a slew of new domain names, everything from .pepsi for Pepsi sites, to .nyc for New York City related sites, and even .xxx for thirtieth celebration related sites. Oh, wait…
Finally, the once impossible dream of owning www.clownpenis.fart will become a reality for some lucky person out there.
Someone has brought Eddie Izzard’s ammusing “Death Star Canteen” bit from Unrepeatable to life using Legos.
My first ever magazine subscription was to Entertainment Weekly. I enjoyed reading about the latest in movies, television, music, and books for a while but after a few years I canceled my subscription. EW became too sarcastic and full of themselves — no doubt an attempt to appeal to the young male demographic. The stereotypical young male demographic.
Well, the glossy magazine filled with pretty pictures of fake pretty people recently released a new classics issue, featuring what they foolishly believe to be the best modern classics from 1983 to 2008.
EW’s list of the best 100 modern TV shows is a sloppy concoction of naivety at best. The Simpsons ranks first, Seinfeld is third, and I can’t say I disagree with that entirely, but from there the rest of the list unravels like the frayed tassel of an imitation Persian rug.
The Washington Post thinks the fate of the sentence is in danger; Slate thinks it’s just the semicolon. I think they’re both right.
(noun) \fək•shən\
1. literature in the form of prose, especially short stories and novels, that describes imaginary occurrences of sexual intercourse; fuck fiction.
• invention or fabrication of sexual intercourse as opposed to fuck fact.
• [in sing. ] a belief, statement, or mere wishful thinking of sexual intercourse that is false, but that is often [...]
I’ll be posting my thoughts of the film sometimes this week, whenever I find the time. But I’ll just say this: it exceeded my highest expectations.
Variety reports that the weekend tally was even bigger than estimated:
Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures’ “The Dark Knight” rocketed the Batman film franchise into the superhero stratosphere [...]
My first ever magazine subscription was to Entertainment Weekly. I enjoyed reading about the latest in movies, television, music, and books for a while but after a few years I canceled my subscription. EW became too sarcastic and full of themselves — no doubt an attempt to appeal to the young male demographic. [...]
Midnight can’t come fast enough.
