Is Rudy Giuliani too bald to be President?
I don’t think Rudy Giuliani stands a chance of winning if he becomes the Republican nominee for President. He has too many skeletons in his closet to get the Christian Right’s vote. Besides his stance on abortion, his crappy history of judicial appointments, his three wives, and the whole drag thing, Rudy has one other major obstacle: he’s bald. This got me wondering last night if there had ever been any bald Presidents. Sure we’ve had bald-faced lying presidents and the bald eagle is our national emblem, but have we had any bald Presidents? Well, yes. There have been five bald US Presidents: John Adams, John Quincy Adams (both obviously victims of heredity), Martin van Buren, James Garfield and Dwight D. Eisenhower.
The lack of hair certainly does not disqualify anyone nor does it disable his capacity to perform the job as commander-in-chief. But in this modern age where the media obsesses over expensive haircuts, cleavage, and cackles, could a bald man actually become president? I’ve heard so much about Hillary’s laugh and John Edwards’ hair but never anything about Rudy’s lack-thereof. Personally I don’t think any of those topics should play a role in politics but the sad truth is that our country is obsessed with appearance. We’d prefer our president to look good rather than to actually be good. Look at The Decider; his ranch in Crawford, Texas is nothing more than a movie-set - an elaborate and expensive prop used to make him appear more manly and American so that he appeals to workin’ folk. It fooled a lot of people.
The media gives Hillary Clinton hell only because she’s a woman. That’s sexism. John McCain is too old to be President? That’s ageism. Is Barack black enough or not black enough to be President? That’s racism. I think it’s time someone gave Rudy some shit over his shiny sprawling forehead. (Baldism?) If I had the opportunity I would ask Rudy myself how much he pays for his haircuts, even though I’m pretty sure I already know the answer: $9.11. If Rudy Giuliani is elected President of the United States, there will be hell toupee.
Funny side note: When I googled “has there ever been a bald president,” I got this in return.
October 10th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Love it. This is one of my favorite entries you’ve written. Especially love the second to last paragraph.
Viva Baldism!
October 10th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
That means a lot to me Kate.
January 6th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Just found this while pondering how many bald presidents there have been. Clever and well written
January 6th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Thanks Sam. Glad to know I’m not the only person out there who thinks about thinks like that.