Megorious

Clue, the 1985 film based on the Parker Brothers board game of the same name, is my all-time favorite film. I’ve seen it at least a hundred times and know every line by heart. So you could imagine I was a bit distraught after finding out that there could be a remake on the horizon. According to Variety:

Universal Pictures has announced a six-year partnership with Hasbro to produce at least four feature films based on branded properties. The properties include Monopoly, Candyland, Clue, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering and Stretch Armstrong.

Transformers was the first and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra will be the second. Hopefully they’ll only make four and Clue won’t be one of them. A Candyland or Ouija movie might be interesting.

The problem with remakes is that they take away from the original. The fact that Michael Bay has already been signed to remake Rosemary’s Baby makes me want to throw up in my mouth; not a little, but a lottle. I could just see a wretched Clue remake: directed by McG and starring Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Alba, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Shudder.

Instead of remaking Clue, why not do a revival? They could simply reuse most of the original cast in their original roles since most are still around, though considerably older.

If they must remake Clue, and assuming they use the characters from the original film, allow me to offer up some casting suggestions:

Wadsworth (originally played by Tim Curry)
• Eddie Izzard

Mrs. Peacock (originally played by Eileen Brennan)
• Catherine O’Hara (first choice)
• Parker Posey

Mrs. White (originally played by the late, great Madeline Kahn)
• Sigourney Weaver (first choice)
• Parker Posey

Professor Plum (originally played by Christopher Lloyd)
• William H. Macy (first choice)
• Ed Begley Jr.

Mr. Green (originally played by Michael McKean)
• Tim Robbins (first choice)
• Stephen Colbert

Colonel Mustard (originally played by Martin Mull)
• Stephen Root (first choice)
• John Michael Higgins

Miss Scarlet (originally played by Lesley Ann Warren).
• Miranda Richardson (first choice)
• Queen Latifah

Yvette (originally played by Colleen Camp).
• Queen Latifah (first choice)
• Paris Hilton

Mr. Boddy (originally played by Lee Ving).
• Harvey Keitel (first choice)
• Steve Buscemi

I think any possible Clue remake would best be left in the hands of Christopher Guest and his comedic crew, which would give us Michael McKean. Many of my choices are from Guest’s films anyway: Parker Posey, John Michael Higgins, Catherine O’Hara, Ed Begley Jr..

In fact, Christopher Guest’s Clue might end up looking a little something like this:
Jennifer Coolidge — Mrs. Peacock
John Michael Higgins — Colonel Mustard
Catherine O’Hara — Mrs. White
Ed Begley Jr. — Professor Plum
Christopher Guest — Mr. Green
Parker Posey — Miss Scarlet
With Eugene Levy, Bob Balaban, Larry Miller, Fred Willard, and Michael McKean available to play other characters and/or murder victims.

In the meantime, and hopefully forever, there is just one Clue, a film where any snippet will always make me laugh, no matter how many times I’ve seen it. But this bit featuring Mrs. White slays me more than any other.

Here are a few other clips to get you through the day:
• “I had to stop her from screaming.”
• “I said ‘no’ meaning yes.”
• 1 + 2 + 2 + 1
• “Mr. Boddy’s body, it’s gone.”

And if you’ve never seen it, czech out the trailer.

Someone has brought Eddie Izzard’s amusing “Death Star Canteen” bit from Unrepeatable to life using Legos.

Russia is trying to steal sections of the Arctic with the cunning use of flags. This story could only have made Eddie Izzard’s day:

Yahoo News: MacKay mocks Russia’s “15th century” Arctic claim

Canada on Thursday dismissed Russia’s claim to a large chunk of the resource-rich Arctic, saying the tactic was more suited to the 15th century than the real world.

A Russian submersible on Thursday dived beneath the ice under the North Pole and planted a titanium flag on the seabed, staking a symbolic claim as Moscow seeks to extend the territory in the Arctic it controls right up to the North Pole.

“This isn’t the 15th century. You can’t go around the world and just plant flags and say ‘We’re claiming this territory’,” said Canadian Foreign Minister Peter MacKay.

“There is no threat to Canadian sovereignty in the Arctic … we’re not at all concerned about this mission — basically it’s just a show by Russia,” he told CTV television.

The five states with territory inside the Arctic Circle — Canada, Norway, Russia, the United States and Denmark via its control of Greenland — have a 320 km (200 mile) economic zone around the north of their coastline.

Russia says its expanded claim is justified because the Arctic seabed and Siberia are linked by one continental shelf.

Canada’s Conservative government is vowing to assert sovereignty over its Arctic lands and waterways. Last month Ottawa said it would build up to eight patrol ships designed to operate in the frozen region, which is believed to hold huge untapped oil and gas reserves.