Megorious

DISCLAIMER: This post is in response to those who felt it necessary to ruin “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” by screaming out spoilers. Feel free to READ the entire post as it contains NO spoilers whatsoever.

It’s Friday night, almost Saturday. Around the world millions of people of every age are lined up to purchase the concluding chapter in the biggest selling book series of all time. Perfect strangers talk to each other like best friends. Different generations mingle, and though they normally wouldn’t have a single thing in common, for this one night they do. That so many people could be this excited about reading is a testament to the power of words and the magic of writers everywhere. Only a loveless being, like Tom Riddle, would want to rob the world of that power. But Tom Riddle is merely a creation of fiction. Surely there can’t be real people who would try to maliciously ruin a book for children and adults alike.

In cities all around the country last Friday people did just that without remorse. They saw people who wished for nothing more than to exercise their imagination and tried to take that from them. Who are the biggest losers here? The people who wait in line on a Friday night to purchase a book, or the children who are so bored and lifeless that they have nothing better to do than to attempt to ruin said people’s good time?

In Harvard Square, which was renamed Hogwart’s Square for the evening, a pack of prepubescent goons decided to go and record their gay old time: See their video (WARNING: spoilers.)

For those who watched the video: it’s not too impressive, now is it?

For those who didn’t watch it and don’t want to be spoiled, you didn’t miss much. The intelligence level of those who made the video is laughable. They didn’t even bother concealing their identities. In fact, they thought boasting about who they are was the smart thing to do.

Zak Broman (yes, that is really his name) is his name and posing is his game. His cohorts names are Jeremy Sanderson, Tom Morang, Jordan Grillo, and “some kid.” They go by the name of “Tha KKKrew.” Charming.

But it’s Zak Broman who desires all of the attention. After all, he made sure to claim all of the credit by including only his contact information on the video. He doesn’t need the extra baggage of his boys. This is his play. He knows how America works and that cruelty can get you places fast.

Zak Broman and company went to Hogwart’s Square with a megaphone to shout out spoilers. It took about four tries to get anyone to notice them. The first attempt, underground in the subway station, was embarrassing, but you gotta hand it to them because that didn’t stop them. They had to get some attention so they tried again and again.

They spoiled a thing or two but nothing epic, at least not like the last book, and only to a few people. They failed and failed miserably. They knew they were failing too because one of the kids in the video decided to shout out, “Hogwarts Square is closed due to AIDS!” AIDS jokes: always the dark mark of desperation.

What’s really funny is that they couldn’t even succeed at being dicks. I mean, how incompetent do you have to be to botch something as simple as YELLING THROUGH A MEGAPHONE?

What’s the most pathetic thing about Zak Broman and his fagot of twiggy, emo/trendy hooligan chums is that they didn’t even have the balls to go through with their intended malicious act. Each attempt was executed from a safe zone where only a few people, if any, could hear their whiny emo cries. You can see it in the video. There weren’t hundreds or thousands, as they claimed, within an earshot of where they stood. They were too frightened to go up to the actual line of people or even to the front of the bookstore itself. All they needed, all they were there for, was to make the video look convincing enough so that they could upload it to sites like YouTube and ebaumsworld. Then they could be placed on a pedestal and given virtual handjobs by anonymous juvenile delinquents. That’s exactly what Zak Broman did.

First he had to edit the video by inserting necessary feeble captions to better explain what they were doing, since it wasn’t obvious in the video, and of course he had to insert some whiny music and a self-promoting Myspace shout out too.

Then, Zak Broman, you uploaded the video to YouTube and sat back, walloping in your own bile, waiting for the comments to role in. But you didn’t like all of the comments because some of them hurt your feelings; so you deleted said offending comments, leaving only the ones that made you feel like a man.

Then you used the power of Google to go ogle yourself and admire your handiwork. Eventually you ended up on LiveJournal, where someone posted a picture of your muggle-mangled megaphone. The comments there were spot on and cruel but you couldn’t delete those, so you decided to join in by showing your fray. (The thread has since been removed.)Naturally, you typed in ALL CAPS, (because that’s the kind of person you, Zak Broman, are) and resorted to a variation of the only derogative word in your vast aspiring writer’s vocabulary: “FAG.”

ZAK BROMAN HERE.
SORRY POTTERFAG, I GUESS I RUINED YOUR HARRY POTTER BOOK

ALSO, GOOD JOB DESTROYING A FIVE DOLLAR MEGAPHONE FROM SALVATION ARMY. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE’RE GOING TO REPLACE IT.

ALSO, HAVE FUN TRYING TO SLAP A LAWSUIT ON ME. I WAS CONFRONTED BY THE POLICE THAT SAME NIGHT, AND WAS INSTRUCTED THAT I HAD THE COMPLETE RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH, AND AS LONG AS I DID NOT INCITE A RIOT, EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE.

I DIDN’T SEE ANY RIOT. JUST LOSERS LIKE YOU CRYING OVER A CHILDREN’S FANTASY BOOK.

oh, and thanks to douchebags like you, i’m now the top ten highest rated video on youtube.com

couldn’t do it without you.

And with that little rant of yours, you admitted to the world the only reason you did this in the first place: attention. You showed us all just how far beneath contempt you and those like you are. You’re so ignorant that you didn’t even realize you were expressing your right to free speech (much like I’m doing right now.) That’s the reason, other than being genuinely frightened by people dressed up as wizards and witches, that you guys hung back from the crowds; you didn’t want to chance getting arrested, even though you couldn’t. You had to be informed of your first amendment rights by a police officer, or so you claim.

Finally, you, Zak Broman, claimed to have made it into the YouTube top ten; joining the ranks of such fine videos as: Do-it-yourself dentistry, Play with Your Pickle with Mike Mozart, and a review trailer for a video game that existed before you were even born. Wow! Quite the dubious honor.

I did my homework. It only takes a matter of seconds to Google someone to find out everything about him or her. In this case, Zak Broman, the sausage kind of Wilmington, wanted everyone to know his name.

Since when did the epitome of cool become having a LJ? Zak Broman has a LiveJournal. Don’t people who like Harry Potter and people who have LJs go hand in hand? (I like Harry Potter and I have a LJ and I’m a dork.) He also has a website that has been “coming soon kiddies” since last February.

Ironically, Zak Broman wants to be a writer. As someone who claims to want to be a writer you above all should appreciate the power of literature. The Harry Potter series has turned a generation of kids and adults onto reading. Those who were nine when the first book came out in 1997 are now 19. They grew along with the story as it evolved from a children’s book to a coming of age tale of self-discovery. It captivated millions.

What you, Zak Broman, tried, but miserably failed, to take away from readers the other night taints any words you could ever possibly excrete onto paper. For you to have no reason for your actions, other than a piss-ass attempt at humour, makes you the lowest common form of human being. You appreciate nothing of the art of writing. The simple fact that you want to be a writer yet shit on writing as an art form makes you a hypocrite, not a hippogriff.

All of us Harry Potter fans need to stick together. If, and it’s a big IF, Zak Broman ever gets published, we must unite in protest at the sheer hypocrisy that he stands for by telling the world what Zak Broman, “the writer,” thinks of his craft. IF that day ever comes, watch for word by keeping an occasional mad-eye on your D.A. doubloon.

I’m not one to harp on celebrity gossip, personally I find it kind of sad. I feel that celebrity obsession is one of the root causes of ignorance in America. The media only makes it worse by placing celebrities on a pedestal as if they were royalty. Well, they’re not. They’re not even close. Somewhere along the way the media got things a little topsy-turvy when they conjured the mentality that people like Paris Hilton and Tara Reid are more newsworthy than the war in Iraq or any of the 34 scandals of the Bush Administration.
(Read more »&raquo)

If there is one thing that Star Wars has taught me, it’s that for every good there is an equal evil. The same kinda goes for the real world but the line between the two often lacks clarity. If Osama Bin Laden is bad, then George W. Bush must be good. Yeah, there’s not a lot of logic to it.

Using this theoryan, I can deduce that there logically has to be some sort of opposite for everyone. Take Nancy Grace for example, there must be some sort of opposite who surely must be a more descent person than she is, right? Unless of course Nancy Grace is ‘good.’ If that’s the case then say, oh I don’t know, Ann Coulter, is bad. The point I’m not making here is this: there is always someone worse.

I’ve always considered TV personality Dr. Phil (McGraw) to be a bulbous stain on society. He’s not an impossible to-get-out stain, like red Kool-Aid, he’s more like a pasta stain – he’ll go away on the surface but really he seeps down into the padding below and you’ll see (and smell) him again when you rip up that carpet years from now.

Apparently though, I was wrong. Dr. Phil McGraw is good because there is an antiphil in Dr. Phil Astin, the former doctor of Chris Benoit, the WWE wrestler who killed himself after killing his wife and seven year-old son last week.

CNN | Feds: Benoit’s steroid purchases were ‘excessive’

Dr. Phil Astin prescribed a 10-month supply of anabolic steroids to Chris Benoit every three to four weeks between May 2006 and May 2007, a Drug Enforcement Administration agent said in an affidavit filed Friday and made public Monday.

There’s no doubt about it, the WWE had a rough week. Last Monday, once word of Chris Benoit’s death leaked, the WWE threw together a two-hour retrospective.

The show started off with a “In Memory of Chris Benoit 1967-2007″ graphic. Vince McMahon was standing in the middle of the ring in the empty arena in Corpus Christi, Texas, and acknowledged that tonight was supposed to be about the demise of the “Mr. McMahon” character, but in reality Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and young son Daniel were found dead in their home. After offering condolences to Benoit’s extended family, Vince said tonight will be a tribute to Chris, as we will hear from his peers and witness some of the most memorable moments of Benoit’s life.

Oops. Mistakes of that caliber are hard to erase. This entire ordeal raises some serious questions about rampant steroid use and the future of professional wrestling. But don’t worry, someone is already asking the important questions: Sean Hannity debates the Ultimate Warrior.

I grew up watching wrestling with three brothers and hardly any parental supervision. We had fake wrestling matches in our living room; instead of steel chairs, we used pillows; instead of jumping off the top rope, we jumped off the couch; and instead of steroids, we drank Kool-Aid. It was fun but it also wasn’t real, just like professional wrestling. So why the hell did a fake wrestler need real steroids? That is just one of the many questions that you, Dr. Phil Astin, should be thinking about while you are in a real prison.

There were not one but two high profiles incidents of misspellings this week.

The first, and this one is a little adorable, is of this poor kid representing the great state of “Maryalnd” at none other than a spelling bee.

If things don’t go so well for this kid, he can always get a job working for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign because I’m betting at least one person lost they’re job over this next gaffe. Hillary Rodham Clinton was in Silicon Valley touting her high tech innovation agenda when behind her was this giant banner.

I can see how something like this could go unnoticed. You’re at a rally, someone just hung the banner, and you quickly glance over it to make sure everything is in order. Two Ms, two Rs. Looks right to me.