Megorious

Earlier, I posted some thoughts regarding the appearance of John McCain and Mike Huckabee, in particular this unflattering picture. For some reason it really got me thinking outside the box. As a result, all sorts of satirical ideas popped into my head. I began to amend said post when it started to become something entirely different. I wasn’t just thinking outside the box, I dove right inside to find a prize.

WARNING: The following is chockfull of morons, Mormons, oxymorons, and hell, maybe even oxy-Mormons. Know that when I use a term such as “left” when referring to slanted Republicans, I use it in the most righteous since of the word. At the same time, remember that an ironic phrase like “moderate republican” is merely an anagram for “a truce imponderable.” Suspend all logic or turn back now.

(You've been warned.)

MEGORIOUS has joined the chat.
RON PAUL has joined the chat.
MITT ROMNEY has joined the chat.
FRED THOMPSON has joined the chat.
MIKE HUCKABEE has joined the chat.
JOHN MCCAIN has joined the chat.
MEGORIOUS: Welcome back candidates. I’d like to begin by following up on our previous topic of terrorism.
RUDY GIULIANI has joined the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MEGORIOUS : Welcome Mayor Giuliani.
RUDY GIULIANI:
MEGORIOUS : Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama has gone on record as saying that all options should be on the table when it comes to dealing with Iran.
FRED THOMPSON: Who’s he?
MITT ROMNEY: The black guy.
FRED THOMPSON: Oh right.
MEGORIOUS: Do you agree with Senator Obama?
FRED THOMPSON: He’s a senator?
MEGORIOUS: Yes. He is. From Illinois.
FRED THOMPSON: Fucking affirmitation action.
MIKE HUCKABEE : I think when it comes to facing serious threats to America all options should be left on the table.
RON PAUL: I disagree. Going into Iraq and Afghanistan was a mistake. And threatening Iran is the worst thing we can do for our national security. These statements about leaving everything on the table are reckless.
MITT ROMNEY: I agree with Huckleberry. Nothing should be taken off the table.
JOHN MCCAIN: What table are we talking about here? How big is it?
MEGORIOUS: It’s a metaphor, Senator McCain.
MITT ROMNEY : The only thing Barack Osama is going to take off the table is the cornbread.
RON PAUL: That’s racist.
MITT ROMNEY: I know you are but what am I
FRED THOMPSON: Why are we even discussing this mythological black senator? He won’t win. A woman stands a better chance of becoming president in this country. Just as long as she’s white.
MEGORIOUS: Like, say, Senator Clinton?
FRED THOMPSON: I said woman.
MITT ROMNEY: GodziLOLa!
RUDY GIULIANI: I think my constituents are missing the point here. 9/11. Polls show I am the only candidate who stands a chance of beating Hillary.
MITT ROMNEY: Yeah, just like you beat your wives.
RUDY GIULIANI: Oh like you don’t beat your wives.
MITT ROMNEY: That wasn’t meant to be sarcasm. Of course I do.
MEGORIOUS: What? Governor Romney, was that an admission of spousal abuse?
MITT ROMNEY: Ummmmmm… Duh. All Republicans do it.
RON PAUL: I beg your pardon?
MITT ROMNEY: That’s what she said.
MEGORIOUS: All Republicans beat their wives?
RON PAUL: NO!
MITT ROMNEY: Yeah.
MEGORIOUS: Who here beats his wife?
MITT ROMNEY: I do.
MIKE HUCKABEE: Me too.
JOHN MCCAIN: And me.
MITT ROMNEY: I also beat my dog.
JOHN MCCAIN: I beat his dog too.
MITT ROMNEY: Yeah but I beat him way more.
RUDY GIULIANI: I waterboard my dog. And I beat all four of my wives.
MEGORIOUS: Four? I thought you’ve only been married three times?
RUDY GIULIANI: Oh. Right. Three. I beat all three of my wives. Sometimes I get confused because I like to beat other men’s wives.
FRED THOMPSON: I out-source the beating of my wife. I like to watch. She prefers it that way.
RUDY GIULIANI: I bet she does.
MITT ROMNEY: Dude, I would donkey punch your wife so hard.
FRED THOMPSON: After the beating I like to prosecute the beater.
RON PAUL: I’m sorry but are you all insane?
MEGORIOUS: Congressman Paul are you saying you don’t beat your wife?
RON PAUL: Hell no I don’t beat my wife!
FRED THOMPSON: Oh big surprise there.
RUDY GIULIANI: How are you supposed to beat the terrorists if you can’t even beat your own wife?
MEGORIOUS: I’m in shock here.
RUDY GIULIANI: Over what?
MEGORIOUS: That you all beat your wives.
RON PAUL: I don’t!
FRED THOMPSON: All Republicans beat their wives.
JOHN MCCAIN: And lie.
MIKE HUCKABEE: And steal.
MITT ROMNEY: And rig elections.
RUDY GIULIANI: And solicit gay sex in airport bathrooms.
RON PAUL: I DON’T!!!1
MITT ROMNEY: Can we put Ronny on iggy or something?
RON PAUL has been ignored.
RUDY GIULIANI: That’s better.

(part 1)

As we all know, Republicans are more likely than Democrats to find themselves in a chatroom. That’s why here at Megorious we thought why not get them all in a chatroom and ask the tough questions. So that’s exactly what we did. This is the first in what I can only hope will be a series of chatroom debates with the Republican presidential candidates. Today’s debate topic will be terrorism.

MEGORIOUS has entered the chat.
RON PAUL has entered the chat.
MITT ROMNEY has entered the chat.
MITT ROMNEY: ASL?
MIKE HUCKABEE has entered the chat.
JOHN MCCAIN has entered the chat.
MEGORIOUS: I’d like to welcome all of those who found the time in their busy schedules to attend this, the first ever Republican Presidential chatroom debate.
FRED THOMPSON has entered the chat.
FRED THOMPSON: Sorry I’m late.
FRED THOMPSON: I was napping.
MITT ROMNEY: OLD!
FRED THOMPSON: Where’s Rudy?
MITT ROMNEY: I think he had to get a divorce.
MEGORIOUS: We’ll start without him…
MEGORIOUS: Do you believe you could do a better job than the Democrats in preventing another 9/11-style terrorist attack on the United States?
FRED THOMPSON: yes
RON PAUL: yes
MITT ROMNEY: yes
MIKE HUCKABEE: yes
JOHN MCCAIN: no
JOHN MCCAIN: I mean yes
JOHN MCCAIN: LOL
MITT ROMNEY: WTF?
MEGORIOUS: Do you believe the election of Senator Hillary Clinton as president would increase the chances of the U.S. being hit by another 9/11-style terrorist attack?
RUDY GIULIANI has entered the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: Sorry I’m late.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MEGORIOUS: Welcome Mayor Giuliani. We were just discussing Senator Clinton.
RUDY GIULIANI: CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!911
RUDY GIULIANI: Being the first lady doesn’t make her qualified to be President.
MEGORIOUS: She has been a senator for many years now. Some might say that you are under-qualified to be President having only been a mayor.
RUDY GIULIANI: But I was mayor of 9/11.
RUDY GIULIANI: on 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: LOL
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: I was there when those towers fell. You might even say I was on those planes.
RUDY GIULIANI: Actually wait, don’t say that.
RON PAUL: WTF?
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MITT ROMNEY: If I could interject here for a minute….
MITT ROMNEY: Hillary Clinton is not fit to run this country. She’d be better suited in a more controlled position.
FRED THOMPSON: Yeah…as one of your wives.
MITT ROMNEY: fuck you grandpa
JOHN MCCAIN: May I say something?
MITT ROMNEY: NO!
FRED THOMPSON: No.
FRED THOMPSON: You may not.
RON PAUL: Seriously guys show some respect.
RON PAUL: He was a POW.
MITT ROMNEY: LOLZ
MITT ROMNEY: POW!
FRED THOMPSON: BAM!
MITT ROMNEY: ZOINK!
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11’d!
MITT ROMNEY: OMG U R soooooooooo annoying
MITT ROMNEY: Hey Rudy, UR wife left her bra at my place last night.
FRED THOMPSON: Which one?
MITT ROMNEY: Which bra?
FRED THOMPSON: No, which wife?
JOHN MCCAIN: Are you sure it wasn’t his bra?
MITT ROMNEY: LOLLERSKATES!
MITT ROMNEY: You just got PWNED.
MITT ROMNEY: by a POW
MITT ROMNEY: POWNED!
RON PAUL: odfhgdsfgfigfsdagretfgvndsfajlkberopg
MITT ROMNEY: oh nos!
MITT ROMNEY: Ron Paul’s mad again.
RUDY GIULIANI: I’m scared.
RUDY GIULIANI: Hold me.
FRED THOMPSON: faggot
JOHN MCCAIN has left the chat.
MITT ROMNEY: LOL.
MITT ROMNEY: McCain left.
FRED THOMPSON: Maybe he was taken prisoner.
MITT ROMNEY: LOL
RON PAUL: Not cool.
RON PAUL has left the chat.
FRED THOMPSON: Is it just me or is that Ron guy nuts?
MITT ROMNEY: It’s just you.
MIKE HUCKABEE has left the chat.
MITT ROMNEY: Mikey left.
RUDY GIULIANI: Who was that guy?
MITT ROMNEY: I think he’s governor of Wal*Mart or something.
FRED THOMPSON: retards
FRED THOMPSON: nap time
FRED THOMPSON has left the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: hello?
RUDY GIULIANI: anyone?
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11?
MITT ROMNEY: I think it’s just us.
RUDY GIULIANI: oh.
RUDY GIULIANI: wanna cyber?
MEGORIOUS has left the chat.

PART 2

New tapes reveal what former President Richard Nixon thought of rising GOP star and Watergate investigator Fred Thompson. It’s quite charming.