Megorious

Was there ever any doubt Tina Fey would knock it out of the park?

Chris Matthews’ Giant Fucking Head® interviewed two ignorant, irrational Hillary Clinton supporters “who didn’t like how the democratic process played out” and are now vowing to vote for John McCain. They didn’t like how the democratic process played out. They actually said those words. These people are beyond sore losers. They are haters of democracy, enemies of the state.

What made it even worse was that they took a page from Fox News playbook and peddled the Obama is a Muslim lie. Classy.

I kept waiting for Chris Matthews to head-butt these two women. The circumference of his head could cover the area. It’s like two birds with one stone. Or rather two PUMAs with one giant fucking head.

Following the insanity, a young Obama supporter calmly articulated a completely rational rebuttal, only to be drowned out by PUMA Pride.

Our long national nightmare is over. Barack Obama is the Democratic presidential nominee. Hillary Clinton on the other hand is still in it to win it.

You would think the creators of the following video would have, oh, I don’t know, googled Hillary Clinton’s name to make sure they were spelling it right. NOTE: There are two ‘L’s in Hillary.

Watch for a cameo from Sliders star Jerry O’Connell.

[via Science Blogs]

Hillary Clinton and Mike Huckabee: the two asses in assassination.

Fresh off of Huckabee’s joke about Barack Obama ducking gunfire, Hillary Clinton basically alluded, albeit indirectly, to the fact that she’s staying in the presidential race just in case Barack Obama is assassinated like Robert F. Kennedy was in the summer of 1968.

“My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don’t understand it.”

After realizing what she said was perhaps a bit much, Clinton apologized, sort of.

I think Keith Olbermann’s “special comment” of outrage says enough on the matter:

After tonight, Hillary Clinton will be lucky to even have a political career left. It’s time to end this now. She has already lost her chance to bow out gracefully and any dream she might have had of being Obama’s running mate flew out the window today.

One of the highlights from SNL’s season finale.

Despite all of the personal and moral problems I have with Hillary Clinton, despite the fact that she will do anything to ensure that Barack Obama does not win the Democratic nomination or the Presidency, there is one thing, one giant thing that bothers me even more about her: her teeth. I mean seriously, Scope those choppers out.

My God, woman, you are running for President of the United Fucking States. I know you’re trying to appeal to all those blue collar and lower class folk, but gees, can’t you do it another way? There’s already something sinister about your smile (the cackle doesn’t help either) but those front teeth are reprehensible. How are you supposed to take care of an entire country if you can’t even take care of your own dental hygiene? What are you, an anti-dentite?

In a campaign where the media obsesses over superficial issues (hair cuts, flag pins, naps) why hasn’t this issue been brought up? They’ve talked about Hillary’s health insurance plan, but does she have a dental plan? What happens if Lisa needs braces?

It’s 3:00 am. The phone is ringing. It’s your fucking dentist!

As Jon Stewart noted on The Daily Show last night, all of Jack Nicholson’s psychopathic characters love Hillary Clinton. Apparently so does Jack Nicholson, the real person. What follows is not a parody. It’s a legitimate video created by Jack Nicholson and Rob Reiner. It’s also interesting to note that Jack Nicholson rarely gives interviews. Yet for some reason, he’s given two to MTV News this year…

The Senate voted 69-29 to pass the FISA Bill today. What’s the FISA Bill, you ask? Well, it allows for the government to spy on all citizens (that’s us) and provides immunity from prosecution for the telecom companies that make it possible.

John McCain was one of the 69 senators who voted to pass the bill. After the vote, they took a steaming dump on the Constitution. Barack Obama, and 28 other Democrats, remained loyal patriots and voted against the bill. Hillary Clinton didn’t even bother to show up for the vote. The official tally can be seen here.

Senator Chris Dodd, a true patriot who fought hard to save our right to privacy, sums the FISA Bill up best:

We’ve just sanctioned the single largest invasion of privacy in American history.

Things have certainly changed in the last 24 hours. John McCain won Florida last night, with Mitt Romney a close second. Hillary Clinton also won Florida, but no delegates were rewarded since the state was penalized for moving its primary up by a week.

Today, both parties will be striped down to two front runners each, as Rudy Giulliani and John Edwards have both announced they are dropping out of the race. On the Democratic side, that leaves just Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama; on the Republican side, John McCain and Mitt Romney, and, to a lesser extent, Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul.

I’m sad to see Edwards go. He has a distinct voice, much like Dennis Kucinich, that is important at the debates and out on the campaign trail. He’s an advocate for the working class and a crusader for the poor. But ironically, as a white male, he was the minority. So history has already been made, as the Democratic party’s nominee will be either a woman or a black man.

Here’s hoping John Edwards throws his support behind Barack Obama. The Clintons had their chance.

I think The Onion sums up John Edwards the best:

Mysterious Traveler Entrances Town With Utopian Vision Of The Future

The sparks flew earlier tonight at the Democratic Presidential Debate in South Carolina as Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama spent seven minutes gouging each others eyes out. Not literally, of course. John Edwards had front row seats.

I’m not one to typically end up on a Fox News blog but I did just that this evening when I landed on the official blog of Fox News Channel storm trooper, Major Garrett.

Garrett interviewed Hillary Clinton recently, and then spun her words into a web of lies. Then the Fox News Channel used that to drum up a storm between the Democratic candidates. Garrett put words into Hillary’s mouth that she never said. Here’s a snippet from the article:

Clinton also said Obama and Edwards have acted like hypocrites during the race and appeared to diminish the role Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. played in the civil rights movements, saying it wasn’t hope that King inspired that made the difference but President Lyndon Johnson’s decision to fight for and sign the Civil Rights Act into law.

Now watch the video and see if you can catch her saying anything remotely close to that. She doesn’t. In fact, the word “hypocrite” never came out of her mouth. It’s a deliberate fabrication conjured by Major Garrett and Fox News.

The saddest thing is that, of course, most of the comments are from the typical lobotomized Fox News viewer – the same people that put Bush in the White House and still support him. I doubt most of them bothered to watch the entire six-minute interview. They just took Fox News as the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Thankfully, some of the comments are from Fox News viewers who don’t allow the propaganda network to make up their minds for them.

What a blatant misrepresentation of what Hillary actually said writer! As an American who happens to be black and who was actually marched for civil rights, I agree wholeheartedly with what Hillary actually said…it was the ACTION of President Johnson (and others) that brought Dr. King’s hopes to fruition. Her comments were not meant in any way to disparage Dr. King as the writer would have one believe. The fact is, hope alone feeds no man. We need a President who is capable of acting.
- Cindy

I think one of your particular talking points is absolutely wrong. She didn’t “appear to diminish the role Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. played” at all. Senator Clinton was shrinking Senator Obama’s lofty and melodramatic rhetoric down to actual size. At the end of the day, being “able to get it through Congress” is something she’s been doing longer. Ability to inspire by the “power of dreams” is a worthy and necesary talent for all social justice leaders…”becoming reality..”..she’s only saying she thinks she can do it better than Obama can.

Jesus Christ has inspired people for over 2000 years…Moses and Abraham for much longer…. and they never had to pass a law in any Congress in order to keep us bathed in the light of faith and hope. Many believe Moses handed down law from a source beyond our human existence.

Whenever a law that best forwards social justice is passed in the name of the people of this country, the law was one that was created long ago in the hearts of men and women.

There is no doubt that Rev. Dr. MLK Jr. was a man of God and an inspirer for the ages. Hillary Clinton was by no means discounting Rev. Dr. MLK Jr. by showing how his wonderful dream was put into action…and which President helped to facilitate the deam through government.

Isn’t that just a bit of as stretch to say the newest Senator of the top-tier-three is an inspirer of the ages and a JFK and an LBJ all wrapped up on one..and more capable than Clinton to get his agenda through Congress? How has he ever proven it?

If Hillary’s pointing that out, more power to her for the reality check.
- Jude

Now I’d like to point out some of the more imbecilic responses:

Once again Hillary puts her hubris to work for her. To hell with the party. To hell with Martin Luther King. The wounded lioness blindly lashing out because the world has not recognized her specialness.

She has had her good qualities but they are overwhelmed by her hubris. I will not miss her. But before she leaves the center stage I think she should return the money al those good people gave to finance Bill’s legal defense, one that would not have been necessary had he told the truth.
- Richard McDonough

This makes me feel very sad. Now she’s slamming MLK Jr. in addition to Barack? Unbelievable. She is not seeming very presidential today, not at all. HRC should fire Mark Penn and Bill and go back to the drawing board, or, maybe even consider retirement. Things are not looking good for Mrs. Bill Clinton.
- WorkingMomInLA

Hilary’s comments are beyond offensive. In a few weeks, this country will celebrate the legacy of Martin Luther King, a man who died fighting for equal rights for all people. For this woman to belittle his achievements is the height of arrogance and desperation. Liberals like to pretend that they are racially enlightened, but comments like this prove that they are the real racists.
- Lisa

This is just disgusting and I feel it is insulting of Martin Luther King and his role in the Civil Rights movement. This was really low and I think she should just pull out of the race now. She can not handle the pressure and is really losing it.
- amy R, Iowa

Now, this is where it gets really funny. This comment indicates that the video of the full interview was missing and that it stopped just as Major Garrett was about to ask the Obama question. Just further proof that Fox News viewers don’t need actual “facts.”

We Report. You Decide.

There’s an overwhelmingly large amount on conspiracy theorist rants this morning over the results of last night’s New Hampshire primary results in which Hillary Clinton and John McCain both won by slim margins. There are cries of fraud on both sides, many of which cite the Diebold voting machines, which have a long, marred history. On the Democratic side, some are pointing out Hillary’s strength in counties where Diebold machines are used. On the Republican side, and this is of no surprise to anyone I’m sure, Ron Paul’s neo-spammers are unable to accept the fact that the fringe candidate didn’t do as well as they hoped. They’re not just crying foul, they’re screaming it. But they scream about everything.

We’re not even into the main election yet and already there are problems, or at least allegations of questionable results. Even ABC News is asking how the polls got it so wrong.

It’s well known that our election system is archaic and susceptible to tampering. Both the 2000 and 2004 elections were decided by states where the vote was remarkably close. Allegations of fraud have been rampant since. Politicians have promised reform since the 2000 debacle but we haven’t seen it. Our system is just faulty, if not more so today.

The real venerability of our voting system rests on the The People. When the race is too close to call, the manipulation and/or validity of just a few thousand votes can swing it either way. In these situations, there is no way to ensure an honest election with a clean outcome. It’s not going to happen. The only true way to overcome the cracks in the system is for one candidate to win by a landslide. That means The People need to unite behind a candidate we can all believe in, if there is such a person. A candidate needs to win by a considerable margin that will be able to overshadow any vote tampering and/or questionable ballots. A few ten thousand votes in one state may not raise any red (or blue) flags, even though it should, but to inflate or deflate the results by millions of votes in multiple states would, hopefully, be completely impossible to pull off.

Was New Hampshire rigged? I don’t know. I don’t know anything about whether the accusations of fraud are founded or not. What is obvious is that this could very well be a sloppy start to another election season. This is not what America needs right now. We’re supposed to be closing the gap.

The WGA Strike is still going strong but late night TV returns tonight, some with writers.

The Chin returns, sans writers. Can Leno improvise the whole show? He’s not very funny to begin with. Among Leno’s guest tonight will be Jesus’ BFF and Republican Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee, who will “graciously submit” to an interview. Conan also returns, sans writers.

Letterman and Craig Ferguson returns, with writers, after the Worldwide Pants and the WGA reached an agreement. Hillary Clinton will make a surprise appearance on The Late Show.

The Daily Show and The Colbert Report return Monday, sans writers.

Barack Obama is sick and tired of Hillary Clinton kicking his ass in the polls. Now he’s promising to take a forceful stand against her.

I don’t think Rudy Giuliani stands a chance of winning if he becomes the Republican nominee for President. He has too many skeletons in his closet to get the Christian Right’s vote. Besides his stance on abortion, his crappy history of judicial appointments, his three wives, and the whole drag thing, Rudy has one other major obstacle: he’s bald. This got me wondering last night if there had ever been any bald Presidents. Sure we’ve had bald-faced lying presidents and the bald eagle is our national emblem, but have we had any bald Presidents? Well, yes. There have been five bald US Presidents: John Adams, John Quincy Adams (both obviously victims of heredity), Martin van Buren, James Garfield and Dwight D. Eisenhower.

The lack of hair certainly does not disqualify anyone nor does it disable his capacity to perform the job as commander-in-chief. But in this modern age where the media obsesses over expensive haircuts, cleavage, and cackles, could a bald man actually become president? I’ve heard so much about Hillary’s laugh and John Edwards’ hair but never anything about Rudy’s lack-thereof. Personally I don’t think any of those topics should play a role in politics but the sad truth is that our country is obsessed with appearance. We’d prefer our president to look good rather than to actually be good. Look at The Decider; his ranch in Crawford, Texas is nothing more than a movie-set - an elaborate and expensive prop used to make him appear more manly and American so that he appeals to workin’ folk. It fooled a lot of people.

The media gives Hillary Clinton hell only because she’s a woman. That’s sexism. John McCain is too old to be President? That’s ageism. Is Barack black enough or not black enough to be President? That’s racism. I think it’s time someone gave Rudy some shit over his shiny sprawling forehead. (Baldism?) If I had the opportunity I would ask Rudy myself how much he pays for his haircuts, even though I’m pretty sure I already know the answer: $9.11. If Rudy Giuliani is elected President of the United States, there will be hell toupee.

Funny side note: When I googled “has there ever been a bald president,” I got this in return.

I ganked this from Jow’s away message. Proof that Ren and Stimpy are gay. It’s quite disturbing.

Meanwhile, in the real world, CNN has the breaking news that Hillary Clinton is not a lesbian.

The other night Presidential candidate Chris Dodd was a guest on The O’Reilly Factor. O’Reilly was up in arms over an Adobe Photoshop® altered image that suggests Senator Joseph Lieberman was about to fellate the President. Oddly enough, it was only Lieberman’s head that was added to the picture. The original image did have someone kneeling before Bush, appearing to fool around with his junk. It also had someone one bump away from grinding his Presidential seal.

During the heated discussion, Senator Dodd called O’Reilly out on a November 2005 statement O’Reilly made that suggested terrorists blow up San Francisco. Now, technically, Senator Dodd was wrong. O’Reilly DID make the suggestion that terrorists blow up San Francisco but he didn’t say it on his TV show, as Dodd thought. He said it on his radio show. So O’Reilly didn’t lie when he said, “No. You’re wrong. I didn’t say it here,” because he didn’t say it “here.” He said it HERE.

Hey, you know, if you want to ban military recruiting, fine, but I’m not going to give you another nickel of federal money. You know, if I’m the president of the United States, I walk right into Union Square, I set up my little presidential podium, and I say, “Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you’re not going to get another nickel in federal funds. Fine. You want to be your own country? Go right ahead. And if Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we’re not going to do anything about it. We’re going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead.

Charming. Is there anything more American than encouraging terrorists to blow up San Francisco? It’s definitely not as vile as some person on teh Internets posting an altered image of The Decider and Senator Palpatine Lieberman. We all know the conservatives in this country have a no-tolerance stance when it comes to oral sex (they’re more accepting of diaper fetishes.) I’m sure if Lieberman had blown The Decider they both would have been impeached by now and Lieberman’s blue suit would be at the cleaners.

Fortunately Mr. O’Reilly’s suggestion of San Francisco seceding from the Union was chock-full of delicious lodrick. If San Francisco were to become its own country, I doubt terrorists would be all that interested in blowing it up. After all, it’s “Death to America,” not “Death to San Fran.” I imagine the first action the President of San Francisco, or as O’Reilly might call it: the USGay, would take would be to establish an inviting foreign policy. I’m also sure that other nations would be willing to work on having healthy diplomatic relations with this new tiny, tone, and tan country. Well, except maybe for the United States. The USA would probably invade San Francisco to disarm them and to liberate its citizens. (Can you liberate liberals?) It would get messy, as there would be rampant seculartarian uprisings, unless of course it’s the weekend of Burning Man.

There is another glowing example of O’Reilly’s hypocrisy that compliments his hatred for those who don’t accept his ideology. O’Reilly has stated that any content on a website is a direct representation of that site. O’Reilly has even gone as far as to say that he stands by the content on his site.

Recently Hillary Clinton’s Communications Director, Howard Wolfson, was on The O’Reilly Factor. O’Reilly criticized Clinton for attending Yearly Kos because of the hate on the Daily Kos website. Wolfson responded to that with, “Bill, even your website has things on it that you would find objectionable.” O’Reilly fired back with his trademark, “That’s Bull!”

The following night, Jane Hall was a guest. She also told O’Reilly that his own site had hateful comments on it. In retaliation, O’Reilly had her mic cutoff so that she couldn’t have her final say. O’Reilly justified this action by saying, “Here’s the truth, I can’t let Jane lie.”

Well it’s a good thing Bill didn’t let Jane “lie” on his show. The only one allowed doing that is Bill O’Reilly himself. There ARE messages of hate on billoreilly.com. One comment even garnered the attention of the Secret Service by making a death threat against Hillary Clinton. So if Bill O’Reilly endorses the comments on his website, does that mean Bill O’Reilly endorses violence against Hillary Clinton? After all, we already know he feels about violence against whole cites.

There it is, plain and simple, clear as crystal. The source of so much information for so many people is built on a foundation of nothing but lies. Yet so many people watch and believe and will continue to do so because they lack the ability to form their own opinion and need to be told what to think. Remember: Just because someone says something is the truth doesn’t make it the truth. And that’s The Truth.

There were not one but two high profiles incidents of misspellings this week.

The first, and this one is a little adorable, is of this poor kid representing the great state of “Maryalnd” at none other than a spelling bee.

If things don’t go so well for this kid, he can always get a job working for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign because I’m betting at least one person lost they’re job over this next gaffe. Hillary Rodham Clinton was in Silicon Valley touting her high tech innovation agenda when behind her was this giant banner.

I can see how something like this could go unnoticed. You’re at a rally, someone just hung the banner, and you quickly glance over it to make sure everything is in order. Two Ms, two Rs. Looks right to me.