FINAL THOUGHTS: For someone who advocates small American towns, Sarah Palin really hit hard this evening on community organizers. Obama was a community organizer and she was mocking him. The audience laughed. But how will that resonate with small town community organizers across America? They’re mocking them as well.
According to ABC News’ deliciously titled Political Punch blog, the Secret Service has been dispatched to the (singular) residence of Delaware Senator Joe Biden to “assume the immediate protection.” NBC News is reporting that Indiana Senator Evan Bayh and Virginia Governor Tim Kaine are out. Of course no official word has come yet.
Obama will officially announce his running mate via text message some time Saturday morning.
John McCain will officially announce his running mate via telegraph sent from one of his many, many houses some time before his 72 birthday.
If Obama does indeed pick Biden (mayhap his first official presidential act?) then is shows he can and will make the right decisions as President.
I can’t think of anything better than Joe Biden as Barack Obama’s running mate. He’s the best and most qualified man or woman for the job. He comes from the same hardworking background as Obama. Biden not only packs the experience, and would make a great President himself, but he’s brutally honest, too — a rarity in a politician. He wasn’t afraid to call out Rudy Giuliani at a debate earlier this year:
And the irony is, Rudy Giuliani, probably the most underqualified man since George Bush to seek the presidency, is here talking about any of the people here. Rudy Giuliani… I mean, think about it! Rudy Giuliani. There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11. There’s nothing else! There’s nothing else! And I mean this sincerely. He’s genuinely not qualified to be president.
As far as I know Joe Biden only has one house. Not eight. Or ten. He’d probably remember how many if asked, too.
UPDATE: CNN confirms Senator Joe Biden will be Barack Obama’s running mate.
UPDATE 2: THE UPDATING: I got at text message from Barack Obama. And a random drunk dial from John Edwards.
UPDATE 3: Obama/Biden is an anagram for Babe Domain. Just saying….
Earlier, I posted some thoughts regarding the appearance of John McCain and Mike Huckabee, in particular this unflattering picture. For some reason it really got me thinking outside the box. As a result, all sorts of satirical ideas popped into my head. I began to amend said post when it started to become something entirely different. I wasn’t just thinking outside the box, I dove right inside to find a prize.
WARNING: The following is chockfull of morons, Mormons, oxymorons, and hell, maybe even oxy-Mormons. Know that when I use a term such as “left” when referring to slanted Republicans, I use it in the most righteous since of the word. At the same time, remember that an ironic phrase like “moderate republican” is merely an anagram for “a truce imponderable.” Suspend all logic or turn back now.
I usually don’t share or even read posts from Daily Kos. It’s not that I don’t consider Kos legit; they do post relevant stories that contain facts and truthiness. It’s just that sometimes the methods they undertake are comparable to Fox News. Sites like Daily Kos will never be considered a legitimate source for news because of the hateful things they sometimes publish. You can’t be taken seriously when you’re not serious and lack professionalism. (I should know.) That’s why I prefer the sites of Talking Points Memo.
But I digress…
Last week’s “Sex on the City” scandal exposed even more delicious skeletons in Rudy Giuliani’s closet (not the same closet where he keeps his drag outfits, mind you.) Now it looks as if former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee may be the emerging frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination. It must be nice to win by default.
Unlike Giuliani, not only does Huckabee have hair, but he also a thing called foresight. Huckabee would probably be in the same mess right now if he hadn’t “ordered the hard drives in 83 computers and four servers be crushed (destroyed) in his final days in office” (Daily Kos.) And while Huckabee might be enjoying some national popularity right now, he is everything but popular back home in Arkansas.
So why is Mike Huckabee scary? Well, the main reason is that he’s a Christian fundamentalist who appeals to the same base as George W. Bush. Now he stands a very good chance of winning the nomination if Rudy is really kaput. We don’t need another Crazy Christian in the White House.
MEGORIOUS has joined the chat.
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MITT ROMNEY has joined the chat.
FRED THOMPSON has joined the chat.
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JOHN MCCAIN has joined the chat.
MEGORIOUS: Welcome back candidates. I’d like to begin by following up on our previous topic of terrorism.
RUDY GIULIANI has joined the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MEGORIOUS : Welcome Mayor Giuliani.
RUDY GIULIANI: 
MEGORIOUS : Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama has gone on record as saying that all options should be on the table when it comes to dealing with Iran.
FRED THOMPSON: Who’s he?
MITT ROMNEY: The black guy.
FRED THOMPSON: Oh right.
MEGORIOUS: Do you agree with Senator Obama?
FRED THOMPSON: He’s a senator?
MEGORIOUS: Yes. He is. From Illinois.
FRED THOMPSON: Fucking affirmitation action.
MIKE HUCKABEE : I think when it comes to facing serious threats to America all options should be left on the table.
RON PAUL: I disagree. Going into Iraq and Afghanistan was a mistake. And threatening Iran is the worst thing we can do for our national security. These statements about leaving everything on the table are reckless.
MITT ROMNEY: I agree with Huckleberry. Nothing should be taken off the table.
JOHN MCCAIN: What table are we talking about here? How big is it?
MEGORIOUS: It’s a metaphor, Senator McCain.
MITT ROMNEY : The only thing Barack Osama is going to take off the table is the cornbread.
RON PAUL: That’s racist.
MITT ROMNEY: I know you are but what am I 
FRED THOMPSON: Why are we even discussing this mythological black senator? He won’t win. A woman stands a better chance of becoming president in this country. Just as long as she’s white.
MEGORIOUS: Like, say, Senator Clinton?
FRED THOMPSON: I said woman.
MITT ROMNEY: GodziLOLa!
RUDY GIULIANI: I think my constituents are missing the point here. 9/11. Polls show I am the only candidate who stands a chance of beating Hillary.
MITT ROMNEY: Yeah, just like you beat your wives.
RUDY GIULIANI: Oh like you don’t beat your wives.
MITT ROMNEY: That wasn’t meant to be sarcasm. Of course I do.
MEGORIOUS: What? Governor Romney, was that an admission of spousal abuse?
MITT ROMNEY: Ummmmmm… Duh. All Republicans do it.
RON PAUL: I beg your pardon?
MITT ROMNEY: That’s what she said.
MEGORIOUS: All Republicans beat their wives?
RON PAUL: NO!
MITT ROMNEY: Yeah.
MEGORIOUS: Who here beats his wife?
MITT ROMNEY: I do.
MIKE HUCKABEE: Me too.
JOHN MCCAIN: And me.
MITT ROMNEY: I also beat my dog.
JOHN MCCAIN: I beat his dog too.
MITT ROMNEY: Yeah but I beat him way more.
RUDY GIULIANI: I waterboard my dog. And I beat all four of my wives.
MEGORIOUS: Four? I thought you’ve only been married three times?
RUDY GIULIANI: Oh. Right. Three. I beat all three of my wives. Sometimes I get confused because I like to beat other men’s wives.
FRED THOMPSON: I out-source the beating of my wife. I like to watch. She prefers it that way.
RUDY GIULIANI: I bet she does.
MITT ROMNEY: Dude, I would donkey punch your wife so hard.
FRED THOMPSON: After the beating I like to prosecute the beater.
RON PAUL: I’m sorry but are you all insane?
MEGORIOUS: Congressman Paul are you saying you don’t beat your wife?
RON PAUL: Hell no I don’t beat my wife!
FRED THOMPSON: Oh big surprise there.
RUDY GIULIANI: How are you supposed to beat the terrorists if you can’t even beat your own wife?
MEGORIOUS: I’m in shock here.
RUDY GIULIANI: Over what?
MEGORIOUS: That you all beat your wives.
RON PAUL: I don’t!
FRED THOMPSON: All Republicans beat their wives.
JOHN MCCAIN: And lie.
MIKE HUCKABEE: And steal.
MITT ROMNEY: And rig elections.
RUDY GIULIANI: And solicit gay sex in airport bathrooms.
RON PAUL: I DON’T!!!1
MITT ROMNEY: Can we put Ronny on iggy or something?
RON PAUL has been ignored.
RUDY GIULIANI: That’s better.
As we all know, Republicans are more likely than Democrats to find themselves in a chatroom. That’s why here at Megorious we thought why not get them all in a chatroom and ask the tough questions. So that’s exactly what we did. This is the first in what I can only hope will be a series of chatroom debates with the Republican presidential candidates. Today’s debate topic will be terrorism.
MEGORIOUS has entered the chat.
RON PAUL has entered the chat.
MITT ROMNEY has entered the chat.
MITT ROMNEY: ASL?
MIKE HUCKABEE has entered the chat.
JOHN MCCAIN has entered the chat.
MEGORIOUS: I’d like to welcome all of those who found the time in their busy schedules to attend this, the first ever Republican Presidential chatroom debate.
FRED THOMPSON has entered the chat.
FRED THOMPSON: Sorry I’m late.
FRED THOMPSON: I was napping.
MITT ROMNEY: OLD!
FRED THOMPSON: Where’s Rudy?
MITT ROMNEY: I think he had to get a divorce.
MEGORIOUS: We’ll start without him…
MEGORIOUS: Do you believe you could do a better job than the Democrats in preventing another 9/11-style terrorist attack on the United States?
FRED THOMPSON: yes
RON PAUL: yes
MITT ROMNEY: yes
MIKE HUCKABEE: yes
JOHN MCCAIN: no
JOHN MCCAIN: I mean yes
JOHN MCCAIN: LOL
MITT ROMNEY: WTF?
MEGORIOUS: Do you believe the election of Senator Hillary Clinton as president would increase the chances of the U.S. being hit by another 9/11-style terrorist attack?
RUDY GIULIANI has entered the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: Sorry I’m late.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MEGORIOUS: Welcome Mayor Giuliani. We were just discussing Senator Clinton.
RUDY GIULIANI: CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!911
RUDY GIULIANI: Being the first lady doesn’t make her qualified to be President.
MEGORIOUS: She has been a senator for many years now. Some might say that you are under-qualified to be President having only been a mayor.
RUDY GIULIANI: But I was mayor of 9/11.
RUDY GIULIANI: on 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: LOL
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: I was there when those towers fell. You might even say I was on those planes.
RUDY GIULIANI: Actually wait, don’t say that.
RON PAUL: WTF?
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MITT ROMNEY: If I could interject here for a minute….
MITT ROMNEY: Hillary Clinton is not fit to run this country. She’d be better suited in a more controlled position.
FRED THOMPSON: Yeah…as one of your wives.
MITT ROMNEY: fuck you grandpa
JOHN MCCAIN: May I say something?
MITT ROMNEY: NO!
FRED THOMPSON: No.
FRED THOMPSON: You may not.
RON PAUL: Seriously guys show some respect.
RON PAUL: He was a POW.
MITT ROMNEY: LOLZ
MITT ROMNEY: POW!
FRED THOMPSON: BAM!
MITT ROMNEY: ZOINK!
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11’d!
MITT ROMNEY: OMG U R soooooooooo annoying
MITT ROMNEY: Hey Rudy, UR wife left her bra at my place last night.
FRED THOMPSON: Which one?
MITT ROMNEY: Which bra?
FRED THOMPSON: No, which wife?
JOHN MCCAIN: Are you sure it wasn’t his bra?
MITT ROMNEY: LOLLERSKATES!
MITT ROMNEY: You just got PWNED.
MITT ROMNEY: by a POW
MITT ROMNEY: POWNED!
RON PAUL: odfhgdsfgfigfsdagretfgvndsfajlkberopg
MITT ROMNEY: oh nos!
MITT ROMNEY: Ron Paul’s mad again.
RUDY GIULIANI: I’m scared.
RUDY GIULIANI: Hold me.
FRED THOMPSON: faggot
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MITT ROMNEY: LOL.
MITT ROMNEY: McCain left.
FRED THOMPSON: Maybe he was taken prisoner.
MITT ROMNEY: LOL
RON PAUL: Not cool.
RON PAUL has left the chat.
FRED THOMPSON: Is it just me or is that Ron guy nuts?
MITT ROMNEY: It’s just you.
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MITT ROMNEY: Mikey left.
RUDY GIULIANI: Who was that guy?
MITT ROMNEY: I think he’s governor of Wal*Mart or something.
FRED THOMPSON: retards
FRED THOMPSON: nap time
FRED THOMPSON has left the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: hello?
RUDY GIULIANI: anyone?
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11?
MITT ROMNEY: I think it’s just us.
RUDY GIULIANI: oh.
RUDY GIULIANI: wanna cyber?
MEGORIOUS has left the chat.
I don’t think Rudy Giuliani stands a chance of winning if he becomes the Republican nominee for President. He has too many skeletons in his closet to get the Christian Right’s vote. Besides his stance on abortion, his crappy history of judicial appointments, his three wives, and the whole drag thing, Rudy has one other major obstacle: he’s bald. This got me wondering last night if there had ever been any bald Presidents. Sure we’ve had bald-faced lying presidents and the bald eagle is our national emblem, but have we had any bald Presidents? Well, yes. There have been five bald US Presidents: John Adams, John Quincy Adams (both obviously victims of heredity), Martin van Buren, James Garfield and Dwight D. Eisenhower.
The lack of hair certainly does not disqualify anyone nor does it disable his capacity to perform the job as commander-in-chief. But in this modern age where the media obsesses over expensive haircuts, cleavage, and cackles, could a bald man actually become president? I’ve heard so much about Hillary’s laugh and John Edwards’ hair but never anything about Rudy’s lack-thereof. Personally I don’t think any of those topics should play a role in politics but the sad truth is that our country is obsessed with appearance. We’d prefer our president to look good rather than to actually be good. Look at The Decider; his ranch in Crawford, Texas is nothing more than a movie-set - an elaborate and expensive prop used to make him appear more manly and American so that he appeals to workin’ folk. It fooled a lot of people.
The media gives Hillary Clinton hell only because she’s a woman. That’s sexism. John McCain is too old to be President? That’s ageism. Is Barack black enough or not black enough to be President? That’s racism. I think it’s time someone gave Rudy some shit over his shiny sprawling forehead. (Baldism?) If I had the opportunity I would ask Rudy myself how much he pays for his haircuts, even though I’m pretty sure I already know the answer: $9.11. If Rudy Giuliani is elected President of the United States, there will be hell toupee.
Funny side note: When I googled “has there ever been a bald president,” I got this in return.
