The other day I posted “Roger Ebert on Creationism,” where the film critic gave a Q & A. I took it as satire but it led others to wonder if Ebert was being serious or not. Well, satire was certainly his purpose.

But the purpose of this blog entry is not to discuss politics (a subject banned from the blog). Nor is it to discuss Creationism versus the theory of evolution (that way lurks an endless loop). It is to discuss the gradual decay of our sense of irony and instinct for satire, and our growing credulity.

Roger Ebert answers all of your questions about creationism. My favorite:

Q. Why would God create such an absurd creature as a moose?
A. In charity, we must observe that the moose probably does not seem absurd to itself.

Landover Baptist Church has issued a warning to all God-fearing parents out there: Satan is using Olympic volleyball to get young boys to masturbate! Indeed, the Devil does work in mysterious ways.

Behind the locked doors of America’s Christian bedrooms, young boys are getting swept up in a disturbing trend. “I had a frantic mother come to me the other day in tears,” said Pastor Deacon Fred. “She told me that her son, Timothy, invited several of his friends over into his bedroom for private prayer and devotional scripture studies. What she told me next is enough to send shivers down the spine of every God fearing mother and father in our Christian Nation! Satan is in our midst, my friends! The Devil is using Olympics volleyball to lure young men into shedding their clothes, flopping around and falling off off their beds with him into the pit of iniquity. Lucifer is turning innocent afternoon gatherings of imprecatory prayer into frenzied young Masturbating Baptist Boys’ Clubs!”

As a recovering young boy, let me assure you parents out there that teenagers need no additional reason to masturbate. I recall my first time: A Madonna music video, perhaps “Take a Bow.” Her cleavage was powered perfectly white. It was just me, Madonna, a jar of mayonnaise and SATAN!

Now, here’s the kicker: I can’t tell if Landover Baptist Church’s website is super serious or satirical in nature. It reads both ways. So I did the only logical thing and checked it out on Wikipedia. Sure enough, Landover Baptist Church is a Christian fundamentalist parody and a damn good one too. It’s also now one of my favorite websites.

Here are a few other choice entries:
• Creation Scientists Trace Origin of Little Red Puppets to the Lake of Fire
• Why Do Chinese People Talk Funny?
• Kristian Kids Korner
• Mind-Altering Energy Drink [Red Bull] Turns Senior High Bible Study Into Godless Sex Orgy
• The Bible Poop Quiz

Why is it every time a conservative pundit or columnist makes an attempt at humor they fail miserably? (Hello, Anne Coulter.) Do their frontal lobes lack the humor-processing pathway, thus rendering them incapable of successful satire? Fox News tried out its own conservative version of The Daily Show but failed due to lack of viewership and, oh what’s that other thing — comedy!

Maybe their comedy quandary originated from jealousy. It’s a little like Middle Child Syndrome, but instead of being in the middle, they’re on the right. When people who have a passionate desire to make others laugh simply cannot succeed, they become bitter and disillusioned. They cling to guns and religion and lame quips they obliviously assume are clever. Perhaps what’s most pitiful is that they don’t even realize it; they just assume the audience lacks a sense of humor. Conservative humorists — an oxymoron if there ever was one — can’t be Stephen Colbert because, whether they realize it or not, Colbert is making fun of them and their warped belief structure. That’s why he’s funny. You can only laugh at something that’s tongue-in-cheek if it’s clever. It’s a textbook case of thinking people are laughing with you when they’re actually laughing at you.

Howie Carr’s column from the Boston Herald (of the Apocalypse) “Newspaper” — “Test: How to Tell if You’re a Moonbat” — is a fine example of a botched attempt at humor. It’s basically a lump generalization and somewhat offensive stereotype of liberals, especially those that reside in Massachusetts, as observed by the conservative right. The clinker is not meant to be taken seriously but it’s also nowhere near clever. The delicious tragedy and poetic irony is that Carr isn’t quick enough to understand that he’s not even too clever by half. His delirious sense of self-satisfaction and accomplishment should suffice. Poor little fella.

The fact of the matter is that people like Howie Carr and Anne Coulter think they’re funny, while people like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert know they’re funny. The sad part is that those who think they’re funny don’t know the difference.

For those who don’t know, moonbat is to a liberal as wingnut is a conservative. The difference here is that moonbat is not recognized as a word in the English language. Wingnut, however, was recently added. I guess the “liberal media” extends to dictionaries now, too.