Last night The Daily Show with Jon Stewart was at the top of its game when talking about Sarah Palin and Joe “the plumber” going rogue.
You can see the full Fox News segment between Shepard Smith and Joe “the plumber” here.
Meanwhile, rougeness seems to be contagious. Last night on The Colbert Report, prominent conservative pundit Stephen Colbert endorsed (but does not support) Barack Obama for President.
David Letterman Reacts to John McCain Suspending Campaign
David Letterman was quite perturbed by the fact that John McCain lied to him when the Arizona senator canceled his appearance at the last minute. Keith Olbermann ended up filling in. What really set Letterman off was that instead of rushing back to Washington like he claimed, McCain was doing an interview with Katie Couric — Letterman even had his people patch into the live feed. For the rest of the show Letterman mocked the news that McCain suspended his campaign in order to solve the economic crisis. Craig Ferguson even stood up for Letterman over the McCain snub.
ABC News: McCain: Scrap Friday Debate for Bailout; Obama: The Debate is On
Obama cites his ability to multitask as the reason Friday’s presidential debate should not be canceled.
ABC News: Ole Miss Official Says Debate Cancellation Would be ‘Devastating’
Apparently McCain hasn’t considered the economic impact of canceling the presidential debate. It would be more than a five million dollar loss for the University of Mississippi.
TPM: Despite “Suspension,” Two McCain Advisers Attacked Obama Today
Not only is McCain still running ads in multiple states but his surrogates and advisers are still actively campaigning. What suspension?
Rep. Barney Frank: “We’re trying to rescue the economy, not the McCain campaign.”
HuffPo: Palin Stumped On McCain’s History Of Supporting Regulation
Sarah Palin is completely oblivious. She’ll get back to you, Katie Couric.
TPM: Palin Explains Why Alaska Experience Gives Her National Security Credentials
No one seems to understand what Palin’s saying here.
Gov Track: John McCain missed 738 of 4104 roll call votes (18%) since Feb 4, 1993.
John McCain Record — an informative site where you can enter any issue and see McCain’s record on said issue. Also, three facts about John McCain every American should know.
Hey! Remember when I used to mostly post about TV? Those were the days. I’ll be rolling out somewhat of a Fall TV Preview this week, but there aren’t many shows to be excited about….
In the meantime, the 60th Primetime Emmy Awards were held in Hollywood Sunday night.
I thought about watching the show then I realized I wouldn’t. I haven’t watched the Emmys in years. It’s not that I don’t care — even though I don’t — it’s just that I didn’t see a need to watch three plus hours of kudos and commercials. Perhaps if this year’s host was worth watching, but they were not. The five reality host nominees, Tom Bergeron (Dancing With the Stars), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Howie Mandel (Deal or No Deal), Jeff Probst (Survivor), and last year’s solo host Ryan Seacrest (American Idol) had joint hosting duties. The first five minutes of the awards ceremony was more than enough awkwardness than even I could tolerate. Thank Gob for DVR.
Highlights
• 30 Rock swept the comedy categories, including outstanding comedy series. AMC’s Mad Men took home outstanding drama, making it the first basic cable program to do so.
• Michael Emerson, LOST’s deliciously maniacal Ben Linus, was robbed in the supporting actor in a drama series category. I call shenanigans. Shenanigans!
• Stephen Colbert and the brilliant writers of The Colbert Report were finally recognized. But Colbert is gonna be pissed on Monday night’s show that he lost out to Don “Mr. Warmth” Rickles in the performance in a variety, music, or comedy program category.
• Alec Baldwin 30-rocked best actor in a comedy series. Then left a voicemail for his daughter.
• Though they weren’t the best choice for hosti, the funniest moment of the awards show had to be when Jimmy Kimmel present the Emmy for outstanding reality competition host. Kimmel milked the unveiling of the winner, which was probably expected. Kimmel joked that the winner would be announced following a commercial break — and then they actually cut to a commercial. It was poetic genius.
• Ricky Gervais took his Emmy back from Steve Carell.
Clue, the 1985 film based on the Parker Brothers board game of the same name, is my all-time favorite film. I’ve seen it at least a hundred times and know every line by heart. So you could imagine I was a bit distraught after finding out that there could be a remake on the horizon. According to Variety:
Universal Pictures has announced a six-year partnership with Hasbro to produce at least four feature films based on branded properties. The properties include Monopoly, Candyland, Clue, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering and Stretch Armstrong.
Transformers was the first and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra will be the second. Hopefully they’ll only make four and Clue won’t be one of them. A Candyland or Ouija movie might be interesting.
The problem with remakes is that they take away from the original. The fact that Michael Bay has already been signed to remake Rosemary’s Baby makes me want to throw up in my mouth; not a little, but a lottle. I could just see a wretched Clue remake: directed by McG and starring Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Alba, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Shudder.
Instead of remaking Clue, why not do a revival? They could simply reuse most of the original cast in their original roles since most are still around, though considerably older.
If they must remake Clue, and assuming they use the characters from the original film, allow me to offer up some casting suggestions:
Wadsworth (originally played by Tim Curry)
• Eddie Izzard
Mrs. Peacock (originally played by Eileen Brennan)
• Catherine O’Hara (first choice)
• Parker Posey
Mrs. White (originally played by the late, great Madeline Kahn)
• Sigourney Weaver (first choice)
• Parker Posey
Professor Plum (originally played by Christopher Lloyd)
• William H. Macy (first choice)
• Ed Begley Jr.
Mr. Green (originally played by Michael McKean)
• Tim Robbins (first choice)
• Stephen Colbert
Colonel Mustard (originally played by Martin Mull)
• Stephen Root (first choice)
• John Michael Higgins
Miss Scarlet (originally played by Lesley Ann Warren).
• Miranda Richardson (first choice)
• Queen Latifah
Yvette (originally played by Colleen Camp).
• Queen Latifah (first choice)
• Paris Hilton
Mr. Boddy (originally played by Lee Ving).
• Harvey Keitel (first choice)
• Steve Buscemi
I think any possible Clue remake would best be left in the hands of Christopher Guest and his comedic crew, which would give us Michael McKean. Many of my choices are from Guest’s films anyway: Parker Posey, John Michael Higgins, Catherine O’Hara, Ed Begley Jr..
In fact, Christopher Guest’s Clue might end up looking a little something like this:
Jennifer Coolidge — Mrs. Peacock
John Michael Higgins — Colonel Mustard
Catherine O’Hara — Mrs. White
Ed Begley Jr. — Professor Plum
Christopher Guest — Mr. Green
Parker Posey — Miss Scarlet
With Eugene Levy, Bob Balaban, Larry Miller, Fred Willard, and Michael McKean available to play other characters and/or murder victims.
In the meantime, and hopefully forever, there is just one Clue, a film where any snippet will always make me laugh, no matter how many times I’ve seen it. But this bit featuring Mrs. White slays me more than any other.
Here are a few other clips to get you through the day:
• “I had to stop her from screaming.”
• “I said ‘no’ meaning yes.”
• 1 + 2 + 2 + 1
• “Mr. Boddy’s body, it’s gone.”
And if you’ve never seen it, czech out the trailer.
Why is it every time a conservative pundit or columnist makes an attempt at humor they fail miserably? (Hello, Anne Coulter.) Do their frontal lobes lack the humor-processing pathway, thus rendering them incapable of successful satire? Fox News tried out its own conservative version of The Daily Show but failed due to lack of viewership and, oh what’s that other thing — comedy!
Maybe their comedy quandary originated from jealousy. It’s a little like Middle Child Syndrome, but instead of being in the middle, they’re on the right. When people who have a passionate desire to make others laugh simply cannot succeed, they become bitter and disillusioned. They cling to guns and religion and lame quips they obliviously assume are clever. Perhaps what’s most pitiful is that they don’t even realize it; they just assume the audience lacks a sense of humor. Conservative humorists — an oxymoron if there ever was one — can’t be Stephen Colbert because, whether they realize it or not, Colbert is making fun of them and their warped belief structure. That’s why he’s funny. You can only laugh at something that’s tongue-in-cheek if it’s clever. It’s a textbook case of thinking people are laughing with you when they’re actually laughing at you.
Howie Carr’s column from the Boston Herald (of the Apocalypse) “Newspaper” — “Test: How to Tell if You’re a Moonbat” — is a fine example of a botched attempt at humor. It’s basically a lump generalization and somewhat offensive stereotype of liberals, especially those that reside in Massachusetts, as observed by the conservative right. The clinker is not meant to be taken seriously but it’s also nowhere near clever. The delicious tragedy and poetic irony is that Carr isn’t quick enough to understand that he’s not even too clever by half. His delirious sense of self-satisfaction and accomplishment should suffice. Poor little fella.
The fact of the matter is that people like Howie Carr and Anne Coulter think they’re funny, while people like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert know they’re funny. The sad part is that those who think they’re funny don’t know the difference.
For those who don’t know, moonbat is to a liberal as wingnut is a conservative. The difference here is that moonbat is not recognized as a word in the English language. Wingnut, however, was recently added. I guess the “liberal media” extends to dictionaries now, too.
According to the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) of Topeka, Kansas, God hates Iowa. Wait, Iowa? God hates Iowa? If there is any state that God might be fond of I would think it could be Iowa. Apparently not….
Why does God hate Iowa? Three words: sod-o-mite!
That’s right. Sod-o-mite! Better known as Good Times in the butt.
Angry God, not to be confused with Angry Kid, unleashed a wrath of “killer whirlwinds” on the cockeye state — wait, that’s not right — the hawkeye state in the form of tornadoes for, get this, Iowa’s “sodomite” (apparently they just have the one). WBC will picket the funerals of the ungrateful who died for Iowa’s sins. Picketing is their thing…
Westboro Baptist Church is known for putting out extreme fliers and picketing funerals. All funerals known to man. These are the religious nuts who picketed Heath Ledger’s funeral earlier this year after rejoicing in the fact that Ledger was burning in Hell for all eternity. Not only is it a sin to be a homosexual, as noted by WBC’s tasteful website, godhatesfags.com, but it’s also a sin to play one on TV.
On the day of the Virginia Tech massacre, WBC declared its intent to protest the funerals of the slain students. Luckily, someone intervened. As he did following the Amish school shootings in 2006, radio personality Mike Gallagher offered up an hour of airtime in exchange for WBC’s written promise to leave the grieving families alone. I’m sure there’s a sin in there somewhere.
In March, citing “the Wrath of God upon the children of Disobediance” [sic], WBC picketed the funeral of University of North Carolina student body president Eve Carson, who was killed in a random shooting outside of the UNC campus in an apparent carjacking. There are countless others to mention…
According to Wikipedia, Westboro Baptist Church has 71 confirmed members, 60 of whom are related to the Messiah of WBC, Reverend Fred Waldron Phelps Sr., through blood or marriage or both. It must be hard to picket so many funerals when you’re spread so thin; both in physical number and in a tepidly shallow gene pool. Somehow they still manage to picket and even have time to sing songs and make music videos. Some of their greatest hits include: “God Hates the World,” “This Land is Fag Land,” and “Smell the Brimstone.” But of course my favorite is da WBC white girl rap, “Big Fibbin.”
So what’s with all the picketing? Well, Phelps, a disbarred lawyer who bears a striking resemblance to Reverend Henry Kane from Poltergeist II: The Other Side, believes that homosexuality and its acceptance have doomed the world to eternal damnation, and that America has become a nation of “Godless sodomites” and “fag-enabling fools.” Since we are all guilty of “fag-enabling,” whatever the fuck that means, then each and every one of us will have our own funerals picketed. I can’t wait.
Back in 2006, when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert presented at the Emmy Awards, Colbert mocked Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church. Phelps responded with a ten minute diatribe against both Stewart and Colbert. [Watch the video.]
It basically boils down to this: Phelps speaks directly for God. Whatever Phelps hates, God hates. God hates Iowa, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Heath Ledger, homosexuals (both real and make believe), murder victims, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter…..
What else does God hate? Luckily WBC sends out weekly fliers to let the rest of us know….
God hates China for being an idolatrous nation, so he shook the earth in preparation for the second coming of Jesus Christ. That was mighty nice of him to do. For those who haven’t seen it, that’s basically the plot from Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. In the film, the Silver Surfer destroys portions of Earth in preparation for the coming of the planet-eating Galactus.
God hates Ted Kennedy because the Massachusetts senator supports “sodomy and other soul-damning American abominations.” WBC plans to picket his funeral too. Maybe someone should tell them he’s not dead.
But perhaps most shocking of all is that God hates Mike Huckabee. Yes, that Mike Huckabee! The man who equated homosexuality with pedophilia and once suggested that AIDS victims should be quarantined and kept away from the general population. God hates that man. Back in February, while campaigning in Kansas, Huckabee was greeted by Rev Phelps’ homophobic flock from the Westboro Baptist Church. Why? Who the hell knows!? If Mike Huckabee doesn’t stand a chance of getting into Heaven, what hope do the rest of us have?
So, let’s review with a little pop-quiz. I’ll keep it easy by making it multiple choice, just like religion.
God hates…
A.) Iowa.
B.) Fag-enablers.
C.) Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert
D.) Murder victims.
E.) Ted Kennedy.
F.) China.
G.) Mike Huckabee.
H.) Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
I.) Heath Ledger.
J.) All of the above.
The answer should be J, all of the above, but I guess since God technically looks down on us from Heaven, the real answer is all of the below.
All I can say is thank God Jesus loves us.
Who says you need writers to be entertaining? Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Conan O’Brien showcased their improvisational skills last night on The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Late Night with Conan O’Brien. The feud started around, of all things, who created Mike Huckabee. (The answer is God.)
